Quotes of the day .... - Page 14

MeatGrl1 · 20 Aug 2008, 17:13

Bought an Elvis book today and was looking through it at the bus stop and the lady next to me asks;

Do you like Elvis?"

Erm no that's why I bought the book

!!

**RadioMaster** · 20 Aug 2008, 17:27

meh

**allrevvedup** · 20 Aug 2008, 18:11

I was talking to a customer yesterday about a complaint she wanted to make.

she'd purchased this download of an ebook and wasn't happy with the outcome, now with anything to do with ebooks we do not cover it because how do you judge whether someone has received a download or whether it does what it says.

Anyway the jist of her complaint went like this

"I bought the book (paraphrasing) "how to beat a parking fine", i went to court and lost the case and now i want my money back because the book didn't help me and it said result guaranteed"

I seriously tried not to laugh when i heard this

mszee · 20 Aug 2008, 18:32

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

mszee · 21 Aug 2008, 17:38

We hired a new person - American male...

After we have received a phone call from our distribution center in SC, they claimed that they don't understand that new foreign female's accent...South rocks...

mszee · 17 Sep 2008, 05:21

Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

Hypnobabe · 17 Sep 2008, 11:01

The DJ on my local radio station this morning: "Coming up next, 'Big girls don't cry' - they do when their diets fail!"

~Helen~ · 17 Sep 2008, 14:09

Visitor (about age 16) to our office this morning... "I don't call 999 for an application form to join the Police do I?"

And later during the same conversation with one of the team managers, having been asked if he had any qualifications (after he asked how he could join the police) he said, "no, I got chucked out of school in year 10"....!

mszee · 24 Sep 2008, 21:09

The problem with a rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat...

SamCat · 25 Sep 2008, 12:58

Boris talking about why the new air conditioned tubes were needed

"Its gets quite clammy, lots of armpit action"!!

I love the clammy bit too 2 years ago they recorded tempertures of 47 degrees!!

*AndyK* · 25 Sep 2008, 13:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by SamCat

Boris talking about why the new air conditioned tubes were needed

"Its gets quite clammy, lots of armpit action"!!

I love the clammy bit too 2 years ago they recorded tempertures of 47 degrees!!

Regardless of if you agree with his policies or not, you have to admire Boris for getting so far in politics without being hung for what he comes out with!

**allrevvedup** · 25 Sep 2008, 14:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by AndyK

Regardless of if you agree with his policies or not, you have to admire Boris for getting so far in politics without being hung for what he comes out with!

give him time

**RadioMaster** · 25 Sep 2008, 16:25

or a towel

LucyK! · 25 Sep 2008, 19:22

Tutor: "does anyone have a pipette at home?"

One of the many group idiots: "no but I'm getting a fish on Wednesday"

Wario · 25 Sep 2008, 19:55

"My aunt lost her leg in a boating accedent. NShe was so worried that with only one leg she wouldn't be able to provide for her family.

She now has a great job, erns extra pay, and has a brand new car.

You know where she works?

That's right ..... IHOP"

Cathie · 26 Sep 2008, 18:49

Quote:

Originally Posted by mszee

Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

How very true lol. I adore this, where does it come from?

mszee · 26 Sep 2008, 19:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cathie

How very true lol. I adore this, where does it come from?

Not sure...it was sent to me by my friend in Canada...

heat · 28 Sep 2008, 00:01

'Okay... it's your turn now'

Said by my tattooist, midway through my latest inking.

Novel thing, tattooing oneself.

Deb · 03 Oct 2008, 20:00

Just two mins ago.......

Sam to Jamie: Tracey got married (Sam's friend)

Jamie to Sam: OMG did she have a wedding?

*AndyK* · 29 Oct 2008, 10:56

Overheard in the IT Dept.

IT Engineer: It's a priority one call, all the seniro managers have been working on fixing it for a week now.

Person with problem: Are there any real engineers working on it?

**RadioMaster** · 13 Nov 2008, 20:34

Today 17:57 daveake

Yes, but how can you get to the pizza when the fridge is full of elephants?

snowy · 13 Nov 2008, 21:38

From one of my supposedly intelligent Year 8 pupils....

'they should make crime illegal so that the world is a safer place'

I had to stop teaching for 2 mins as a couldn't see for the tears of laughter.
I then had to explain to the pupil why both myself and a few of his fellow pupils were laughing!

Hypnobabe · 17 Nov 2008, 21:46

My 5 year old son this morning on seeing a tree whose leaves had all fallen off:

"Look mummy, that tree's empty!"

**The Flying Mouse** · 02 Dec 2008, 00:07

On an e bay listing for a guitar.............

THIS GUITAR WAS BOUGHT FOR MYSELF BY MY WIFE WHO THOUGHT I WAS SUFFERING AN IDENTITY CRISIS AND WANTED TO BE NOEL GALLAGHER, UNBEKNOWN TO ME , IT'S ACTUALLY WELL HARD TO LEARN, KEPT SNAPPING THE STRINGS ,COULD'NT TUNE IT PROPERLY,ETC,ETC.(FINGER'S LIKE COW'S UDDERS DIDN'T HELP !) SO IM CURRENTLY EYING UP A NICE KAZOO INSTEAD!

HAPPY BIDDING, HOPE YOU HAVE A BETTER BASH AT IT THAN ME!

Gave me a chuckle that did

**The Flying Mouse** · 04 Dec 2008, 19:43

Again, from e bay.......

While checking the feedback for a seller who sells wedding dresses, I came along this happy shopper.

"am so happy with this dress, its absolutely gorgeous....will definately use again"

Not much confidence in her marrage lasting very long then?

20 Aug 2008, 17:13	#326
MeatGrl1 No Day But Today Join Date: 29.05.2006 Location: Sitting on the steps outside looking so restless and reckless and lost! Posts: 9,089	Bought an Elvis book today and was looking through it at the bus stop and the lady next to me asks; *Do you like Elvis?"* Erm no that's why I bought the book !!

20 Aug 2008, 17:27	#327
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	meh

20 Aug 2008, 18:11	#328
allrevvedup "Most things that i worry about, never happen anyway" Join Date: 29.11.2003 Location: Liverpool Posts: 5,360	I was talking to a customer yesterday about a complaint she wanted to make. she'd purchased this download of an ebook and wasn't happy with the outcome, now with anything to do with ebooks we do not cover it because how do you judge whether someone has received a download or whether it does what it says. Anyway the jist of her complaint went like this "I bought the book (paraphrasing) "how to beat a parking fine", i went to court and lost the case and now i want my money back because the book didn't help me and it said result guaranteed" I seriously tried not to laugh when i heard this

20 Aug 2008, 18:32	#329
mszee Mega Loafer Join Date: 28.03.2006 Location: And you think you're down under??? Posts: 26,252	"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." -Albert Einstein

21 Aug 2008, 17:38	#330
mszee Mega Loafer Join Date: 28.03.2006 Location: And you think you're down under??? Posts: 26,252	We hired a new person - American male... After we have received a phone call from our distribution center in SC, they claimed that they don't understand that new foreign female's accent...South rocks...

17 Sep 2008, 05:21	#331
mszee Mega Loafer Join Date: 28.03.2006 Location: And you think you're down under??? Posts: 26,252	Quote for the day: 'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

17 Sep 2008, 11:01	#332
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	The DJ on my local radio station this morning: "Coming up next, 'Big girls don't cry' - they do when their diets fail!"

17 Sep 2008, 14:09	#333
~Helen~ Mega Loafer Join Date: 01.11.2007 Location: Manchester Posts: 1,958	Visitor (about age 16) to our office this morning... "I don't call 999 for an application form to join the Police do I?" And later during the same conversation with one of the team managers, having been asked if he had any qualifications (after he asked how he could join the police) he said, "no, I got chucked out of school in year 10"....!

24 Sep 2008, 21:09	#334
mszee Mega Loafer Join Date: 28.03.2006 Location: And you think you're down under??? Posts: 26,252	The problem with a rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat...

25 Sep 2008, 12:58	#335
SamCat Hello Harry!!!! Join Date: 11.09.2006 Location: London Posts: 3,086	Boris talking about why the new air conditioned tubes were needed "Its gets quite clammy, lots of armpit action"!! I love the clammy bit too 2 years ago they recorded tempertures of 47 degrees!!

25 Sep 2008, 16:25	#338
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	or a towel

25 Sep 2008, 19:22	#339
LucyK! The Monster Is Luce Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Posts: 7,547	Tutor: "does anyone have a pipette at home?" One of the many group idiots: "no but I'm getting a fish on Wednesday"

25 Sep 2008, 19:55	#340
Wario Monstro helps me spell things... Join Date: 05.01.2007 Location: Masculine, Pennsylvania Posts: 9,105	"My aunt lost her leg in a boating accedent. NShe was so worried that with only one leg she wouldn't be able to provide for her family. She now has a great job, erns extra pay, and has a brand new car. You know where she works? That's right ..... IHOP"

28 Sep 2008, 00:01	#343
heat Rampant Loafer... Join Date: 29.07.2002 Location: welshy wales Posts: 5,706	'Okay... it's your turn now' Said by my tattooist, midway through my latest inking. Novel thing, tattooing oneself.

03 Oct 2008, 20:00	#344
Deb Mega Loafer Join Date: 26.04.2003 Location: Did I say that?... Posts: 4,162	Just two mins ago....... Sam to Jamie: Tracey got married (Sam's friend) Jamie to Sam: OMG did she have a wedding?

29 Oct 2008, 10:56	#345
AndyK Relentless Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side Posts: 18,694	Overheard in the IT Dept. IT Engineer: It's a priority one call, all the seniro managers have been working on fixing it for a week now. Person with problem: Are there any real engineers working on it?

13 Nov 2008, 20:34	#346
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	Today 17:57 daveake Yes, but how can you get to the pizza when the fridge is full of elephants?

13 Nov 2008, 21:38	#347
snowy Super Loafer Join Date: 21.04.2006 Location: Herts Posts: 292	From one of my supposedly intelligent Year 8 pupils.... 'they should make crime illegal so that the world is a safer place' I had to stop teaching for 2 mins as a couldn't see for the tears of laughter. I then had to explain to the pupil why both myself and a few of his fellow pupils were laughing!

17 Nov 2008, 21:46	#348
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	My 5 year old son this morning on seeing a tree whose leaves had all fallen off: "Look mummy, that tree's empty!"

02 Dec 2008, 00:07	#349
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	On an e bay listing for a guitar............. THIS GUITAR WAS BOUGHT FOR MYSELF BY MY WIFE WHO THOUGHT I WAS SUFFERING AN IDENTITY CRISIS AND WANTED TO BE NOEL GALLAGHER, UNBEKNOWN TO ME , IT'S ACTUALLY WELL HARD TO LEARN, KEPT SNAPPING THE STRINGS ,COULD'NT TUNE IT PROPERLY,ETC,ETC.(FINGER'S LIKE COW'S UDDERS DIDN'T HELP !) SO IM CURRENTLY EYING UP A NICE KAZOO INSTEAD! HAPPY BIDDING, HOPE YOU HAVE A BETTER BASH AT IT THAN ME! Gave me a chuckle that did

04 Dec 2008, 19:43	#350
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	Again, from e bay....... While checking the feedback for a seller who sells wedding dresses, I came along this happy shopper. "am so happy with this dress, its absolutely gorgeous....will definately use again" Not much confidence in her marrage lasting very long then?