Quotes of the day ....
 

What profoundly stupid or hilarious things have you heard people say today?


"See, I was right apart from everything"

being one the best I've heard so far today :lmao:

:twisted: "I can't hit a 20 today with a wet hankie" :wtf:

Said by Dinky, one of our pub regulars, while I was having a game of darts with him.

in a pub this afternoon, the next table:

"How's your little one doing? How old is he now? 5, 6?"
"He just turned 30"

"This is one hell of a scenic view!"

:heart: Jack - Black Top :heart:

LMFAO

I think the thread was meant to mean quotes from 'real' people and not ones off the telly, otherwise we'll end up with a movie quotes thread :roll: "talk to me goose"

Some woman - "How old is your baby?"
Me - "Two and a half months"
Some woman - "Is that 10 weeks?" :shock:

Pud :twisted:

Me: So Steve isn't here today - does it mean he bought that house?

My boss: I hope so...he is moving in today...

not really a quote, but someone told me today they've been to the animal shelter, and there was a black sex-doll sitting next to one cage fully clothed. Person from the shelter shall have said they found it the other night and clothed it to make it attract less attention from the visitors....

I read this somewhere else ... :lawl:

This is unbelievable...I reckon this is the first time I was quoted...and by the big boss himself!!!!WOW!!!

From this morning's marathon service review meeting ..

We're actively doing nothing about that issue.

Wasn't today but was on a benefit form a client filled in........

"I know I'm suicidal as I've killed myself fourteen times"

At a BBQ at some friends today.

My mate "so what's that shitty smell?"
Me "it's shit mate, you've just stood in some"

Pud :twisted:

From big unnamed American Corporation:

One Group: We need this system built as soon as possible

Second Group: We need requirements to know what is it that you want us to build.

One Group: We can't give it to you - it's proprietory information...

This has been going on for over 4 years now...the system isn't built yet...

Me: Do you offer a fax service?
ShopKeeper: Yes
Me: How much is it please?
SK: 10p per page
Me: OK, can I send 5 pages please?
SK: No, the lad who works where who knows how to work the machine doesn't work Mondays.

My four year old son, Charlie: "What's the time mummy?"

Me: "it's dinner time"

Charlie: "No it isn't, dinner's not a number"

at the hospital:

doc: has there ever been cases of diabetes in your family?
my father: no, except for my mother in her last years
doc: Is your mother part of your family?

Not recently, but...

My mate Angie to her then three year old niece Emily: "Look Emily, there's a bird!"

Emily: "Actually, it's a jackdaw... but it's LIKE a bird..."

Talk about being put firmly in your place... :lmao:

Ohh I was talking about Jackdaws on Friday - are they not birds??!?! I'm concerned that a three year old knows the answer to this!

I thought they were birds! I know I have my moments but I knew I couldn't be that wrong :lol:

I've been reliably informed that they like shiney things, so why I didn't know that I don't know, they're one of my kind! :p

Are you sure you're not bonde? :wtf:

She's a malteser ...

PMSL, love that expression (and so true)!!!!

What is a malteser?

Gotcha...make me one too...

Is it something like our Milk Duds?