I need some advice!

Fallen Angel · 14 Jun 2007, 00:50

Hey folks.
I aint too great right now my ex just told me he thinks hes got a girl pregnant. When i asked how long hed been going wi her he first said 6 months n then 2 weeks-thething is we were together from jan-may n have only bn split a month. I dont know what to beleive. Theres an alarm bell ringing tellin me that he has lied to me b4 and -so mad rite now. But a tiny part of me is sayin hes bn my best bud 4 7yrs n i dont want to let him go.
What would y'all do?
sorry
leeann
xx

Pudding · 14 Jun 2007, 01:37

Boot him out on his ass. How could he have been your best mate when he's been shagging around behind your back? Commitment in a relationship is a two way deal, not one way.

Pud

tinkerbell · 14 Jun 2007, 01:41

Really and truely you know you can never trust him again, you are scared of being alone but in your heart you know he has to go....kick him out.

**The Flying Mouse** · 14 Jun 2007, 05:43

Get rid of him.

If he can cheat on you he doesn't respect you, never mind love you.

You don't need a scumbag like that in your life.

Fallen Angel · 14 Jun 2007, 10:13

i know you guys are right n thats the hard thing lol I mean you dont tell some1 u were going wi some1 for 6mnths n then say 2 weeks- does he honestly think i wldnt mind? /what do i tell hime tho?
Sorry for landing this in here im kinda all over the place @ the mo
hugs
leeann
xx

Hypnobabe · 14 Jun 2007, 12:28

Hugs to you Leean, I know it's hard being cheated on, but the other guys are right - it doesn't matter how much you love him or how much you think of him as your best mate, if he's cheated on you once, you taking him back tells him he'll get away with it again...

And whatever he's going through, HE got himself into it - it's not YOUR responsibility to make him feel better for having been an a***ole...

Dump him... don't even think twice... and go and find yourself a bloke who'll appreciate you for the wonderful Meat Loaf fan that you are!

Pudding · 14 Jun 2007, 12:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fallen Angel

what do i tell hime tho?

You tell him that a relationship is based on trust and although in time you may be able to forgive him, you'll never be able to forget what he's done, nor fully trust him again.

Pud

**RadioMaster** · 14 Jun 2007, 13:20

as little as possible, people who do something like this dont deserve a full explanation.

JanT · 14 Jun 2007, 16:28

You can still be his friend without being emotionally involved with him (speaking from personal experience) . Move on, get on with your life and just keep him as a platonic friend.

mszee · 14 Jun 2007, 17:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Flying Mouse

Get rid of him.

If he can cheat on you he doesn't respect you, never mind love you.

You don't need a scumbag like that in your life.

CHSIB

mszee · 14 Jun 2007, 17:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by JanT

You can still be his friend without being emotionally involved with him (speaking from personal experience) . Move on, get on with your life and just keep him as a platonic friend.

What for?

JanT · 14 Jun 2007, 17:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by mszee

What for?

Because she still cares for him. He can't be trusted as a partner, but he can still make a good platonic friend. I wouldn't trust my ex as a partner, but as a friend, I'd trust him with my life.

mszee · 14 Jun 2007, 17:15

Quote:

Originally Posted by JanT

Because she still cares for him. He can't be trusted as a partner, but he can still make a good platonic friend. I wouldn't trust my ex as a partner, but as a friend, I'd trust him with my life.

Well, if that should be the case...I would say...take a break anyway...get over him COMPLETELY...then you can maybe become friends...

If she still cares for him...she will just be hanging in limbo trying to maintain a friendship right away...

JanT · 14 Jun 2007, 17:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by mszee

Well, if that should be the case...I would say...take a break anyway...get over him COMPLETELY...then you can maybe become friends...

If she still cares for him...she will just be hanging in limbo trying to maintain a friendship right away...

That makes good sense.

**allrevvedup** · 14 Jun 2007, 17:34

There's no trust anymore when that happens because although you'd like to deny it and say it never happened, you know it did.

What is going to happen is, he's going to use you as a fall back. When things aren't going good he calls you up, you get all excited thinking it's meant to be but all he wants to do is sow the oats.

There's plenty more genuine guys out there for whom cheating wouldn't even be a consideration to them and that they want to be with you for who you are.

As a b/f he's an idiot and as friend he's an even bigger fool for messing you around like that.

It'll take time and seem hard but we've all had to do it and however long it takes to find someone else you'll be better off, believe me.

Doctor Phil signing off

Ageing Bat · 14 Jun 2007, 17:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by JanT

I wouldn't trust my ex as a partner, but as a friend, I'd trust him with my life.

Oh how do I know what you mean Jan! My ex-husband and I are at last the friends we should have stayed without complicating it with marriage and kids!

Spider · 14 Jun 2007, 19:59

Finish it now, but stay friends .... ex's make the best friends, because you know where you stand with them!!

vrg · 14 Jun 2007, 21:17

I have an ex as a friend now; but to get to that friendship, after he had left our relationship for someone else, we had to be completely out of each other's lives for over two years, and he had had to make a major change in his (other problems). Now, we have a great friendship, which is much better than when we were a pair, a status I would never trust again. So, think complete separation for now; see what happens in a year or two - enough time to see everything clearly.

MeatGrl1 · 14 Jun 2007, 21:39

Once a cheater always a cheater !
If he can do this then personally he should not be given the time of day, your worth a whole lot more than that and I hate to say this but by staying with him you are being a doormat, he sees that he still has you to come back to so sees no harm in what he's doing, be strong tell him it's over as you can no longer trust him and then rebuild your life without him in it though that may be hard to start with it'll get easer then mabe see him as a friend but nothing more.

Good luck

**RadioMaster** · 14 Jun 2007, 21:43

it's interesting that women always think it's good to stay friends with each other....never really worked for me.

vrg · 14 Jun 2007, 22:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by MeatGrl1

Once a cheater always a cheater !

Basically very true, until he loses someone he really loved by her doing the same to him as he had done to others. It's amazing the pain and self-righteousness and anger that comes out of cheating guys when they are the victim of a cheating partner.
Also, eventually cheaters get older and often get too tired or too ill to chase anymore. So they either stay alone, because word has spread and no woman will trust them, or stay with a partner they don't really love, to avoid living alone. Then they can't understand why they are lonely.
Have known both kinds in my life.

Pudding · 15 Jun 2007, 04:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by RadioMaster

it's interesting that women always think it's good to stay friends with each other....never really worked for me.

Some women need an emotional crutch (different from crotch

) and find rejection difficult to accept. Hanging on to what they once had, to some degree, gives them a certain level of comfort knowing that they haven't been fully rejected.

Pud

mszee · 15 Jun 2007, 05:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pudding

Some women need an emotional crutch (different from crotch

) and find rejection difficult to accept. Hanging on to what they once had, to some degree, gives them a certain level of comfort knowing that they haven't been fully rejected.

Pud

I honestly can say the same for men...it's not about gender...it's about personality and attitude to life...and, of course, certain place in time...most of us been there and done that...or will be there and will do THAT...

Still and all...at the end of the day...life goes on...

Pudding · 15 Jun 2007, 07:06

Statistically men will stray more than women and they'll find another partner quicker than a female would after a break-up. That's got to be an indicator that men (in general) can move on quicker than women and don't dwell too much on a failed relationship or the feelings of the other.

Pud

SamCat · 15 Jun 2007, 11:23

Its also a great indicator that men cant use the washing machine!!

View Poll Results: What do i do?
Listen to my instict n boot him out	20	76.92%
Beleive that he wouldnt lie n hold on in there when hes lied before	0	0%
forget i know him	6	23.08%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 25. You may not vote on this poll

14 Jun 2007, 00:50	#1
Fallen Angel Youth Gone Wild Join Date: 19.09.2003 Location: See the mad one over there.... Posts: 693	I need some advice! Hey folks. I aint too great right now my ex just told me he thinks hes got a girl pregnant. When i asked how long hed been going wi her he first said 6 months n then 2 weeks-thething is we were together from jan-may n have only bn split a month. I dont know what to beleive. Theres an alarm bell ringing tellin me that he has lied to me b4 and -so mad rite now. But a tiny part of me is sayin hes bn my best bud 4 7yrs n i dont want to let him go. What would y'all do? sorry leeann xx

14 Jun 2007, 01:37	#2
Pudding I'm A Prize Fight Lover... Join Date: 22.10.2003 Location: New Zealand Posts: 5,532	Boot him out on his ass. How could he have been your best mate when he's been shagging around behind your back? Commitment in a relationship is a two way deal, not one way. Pud

14 Jun 2007, 01:41	#3
tinkerbell Mega Loafer Join Date: 16.09.2006 Location: N. Ireland Posts: 4,562	Really and truely you know you can never trust him again, you are scared of being alone but in your heart you know he has to go....kick him out.

14 Jun 2007, 05:43	#4
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	Get rid of him. If he can cheat on you he doesn't respect you, never mind love you. You don't need a scumbag like that in your life.

14 Jun 2007, 10:13	#5
Fallen Angel Youth Gone Wild Join Date: 19.09.2003 Location: See the mad one over there.... Posts: 693	i know you guys are right n thats the hard thing lol I mean you dont tell some1 u were going wi some1 for 6mnths n then say 2 weeks- does he honestly think i wldnt mind? /what do i tell hime tho? Sorry for landing this in here im kinda all over the place @ the mo hugs leeann xx

14 Jun 2007, 12:28	#6
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	Hugs to you Leean, I know it's hard being cheated on, but the other guys are right - it doesn't matter how much you love him or how much you think of him as your best mate, if he's cheated on you once, you taking him back tells him he'll get away with it again... And whatever he's going through, HE got himself into it - it's not YOUR responsibility to make him feel better for having been an a***ole... Dump him... don't even think twice... and go and find yourself a bloke who'll appreciate you for the wonderful Meat Loaf fan that you are!

14 Jun 2007, 13:20	#8
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	as little as possible, people who do something like this dont deserve a full explanation.

14 Jun 2007, 16:28	#9
JanT Mega Loafer Join Date: 22.06.2006 Location: Blackpool Posts: 2,232	You can still be his friend without being emotionally involved with him (speaking from personal experience) . Move on, get on with your life and just keep him as a platonic friend.

14 Jun 2007, 17:34	#15
allrevvedup "Most things that i worry about, never happen anyway" Join Date: 29.11.2003 Location: Liverpool Posts: 5,356	There's no trust anymore when that happens because although you'd like to deny it and say it never happened, you know it did. What is going to happen is, he's going to use you as a fall back. When things aren't going good he calls you up, you get all excited thinking it's meant to be but all he wants to do is sow the oats. There's plenty more genuine guys out there for whom cheating wouldn't even be a consideration to them and that they want to be with you for who you are. As a b/f he's an idiot and as friend he's an even bigger fool for messing you around like that. It'll take time and seem hard but we've all had to do it and however long it takes to find someone else you'll be better off, believe me. Doctor Phil signing off

14 Jun 2007, 19:59	#17
Spider Super Loafer Join Date: 04.04.2007 Location: Cape Town Posts: 621	Finish it now, but stay friends .... ex's make the best friends, because you know where you stand with them!!

14 Jun 2007, 21:17	#18
vrg Super Loafer Join Date: 30.10.2005 Location: Just outside Manhattan Posts: 671	I have an ex as a friend now; but to get to that friendship, after he had left our relationship for someone else, we had to be completely out of each other's lives for over two years, and he had had to make a major change in his (other problems). Now, we have a great friendship, which is much better than when we were a pair, a status I would never trust again. So, think complete separation for now; see what happens in a year or two - enough time to see everything clearly.

14 Jun 2007, 21:39	#19
MeatGrl1 No Day But Today Join Date: 29.05.2006 Location: Sitting on the steps outside looking so restless and reckless and lost! Posts: 9,089	Once a cheater always a cheater ! If he can do this then personally he should not be given the time of day, your worth a whole lot more than that and I hate to say this but by staying with him you are being a doormat, he sees that he still has you to come back to so sees no harm in what he's doing, be strong tell him it's over as you can no longer trust him and then rebuild your life without him in it though that may be hard to start with it'll get easer then mabe see him as a friend but nothing more. Good luck

14 Jun 2007, 21:43	#20
RadioMaster The German Join Date: 11.03.2006 Location: some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos... Posts: 15,778	it's interesting that women always think it's good to stay friends with each other....never really worked for me.

15 Jun 2007, 07:06	#24
Pudding I'm A Prize Fight Lover... Join Date: 22.10.2003 Location: New Zealand Posts: 5,532	Statistically men will stray more than women and they'll find another partner quicker than a female would after a break-up. That's got to be an indicator that men (in general) can move on quicker than women and don't dwell too much on a failed relationship or the feelings of the other. Pud

15 Jun 2007, 11:23	#25
SamCat Hello Harry!!!! Join Date: 12.09.2006 Location: London Posts: 3,086	Its also a great indicator that men cant use the washing machine!!