Quotes of the day .... - Page 22

**Monstro** · 02 May 2011, 12:21

Stolen from a m8 who found it on twitter.......

Didn't think they did Bin collections on a bank holiday

**allrevvedup** · 02 May 2011, 12:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monstro

Stolen from a m8 who found it on twitter.......

Didn't think they did Bin collections on a bank holiday

keeping a bad drummer in business with jokes like that

samurai7 · 03 May 2011, 13:28

My brother, on getting fat:

I love my food, me. It's all I ever eat!

Sue K · 30 May 2011, 23:59

Not a quote really, I suppose, but I did have to explain to my mother-in-law why people were going in and out of the house that's for sale two doors down from ours. It's the people who own the house. They haven't moved, simply put the house up. She just couldn't comprehend people putting their house up for sale... and staying there ... lol ... Pity me... PLEASE ... SOMEbody ... lol ... xo

Hypnobabe · 11 Jul 2011, 21:40

Nuclear war - tuck and roll!!!!

Sue K · 19 Sep 2011, 00:10

Again, from my mother-in-law, who's been diagnosed with stomach cancer (and please bear in mind, she's 78yo and VERY old school) :

Phone call to her in hospital :

me : Has the cancer doctor been in to see you yet?

mnl: No, just some colored fella. He came in and told me the results of the test and what they were probably going to do, but no. No cancer doctor yet.

****

To find, yes, that was her cancer doctor... lol ... I asked my husband, what, did she think the janitor was coming in telling her all this ?... lol ... good gravy davy in the morning ...

Sue K · 07 Oct 2011, 16:07

another mother-in-lawism ...

"Don't bother reading the other side of the paper. It's in Puerto Rican".

Pronounced ~ "PortaReekin".

And of course, she means "Spanish".

Evil One · 25 Mar 2012, 19:40

"You irritate the hole in my ~~~~ing crotch!" - an ugly old woman bellowing across the road at another ugly old woman.

duke knooby · 10 Apr 2012, 23:40

read this on another site where they were commenting on the problems sony is currently having... and it made me laugh

"Apple are experts at making people think they are in some exclusive club rather than having their choices limited. Sony’s problem is that their software is clunky as ~~~~ and is always the worst thing about their products so it doesn’t give off that air of smug you get from Apple."

(that air of smug you get from apple... i loved that bit)

Sebastian. · 11 Apr 2012, 00:45

Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart?
Homer: New glasses?
Marge: No…he looks like something might be disturbing him.
Homer: Probably misses his old glasses.
Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart’s activities but then I’d be afraid of smothering him.
Homer: Yeah, and then we’d get the chair.
Marge: That’s not what I meant.
Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.

snowy · 22 May 2012, 22:37

My daughter has to write a fact file about someone famous and has chosen the Rock God himself on which to base her work. (Well trained from a young age). The first page has the basic details, name, birth, even birth name but under Death she has written 'He's not dead yet'.
I'm still laughing

**The Flying Mouse** · 14 Aug 2012, 16:09

Jo - I want to clone Scoobie, 'cause then i'll have two gorgeous little boys running round.

Me - You already do

<------ said with a cheesy smile

Jo - You're not a little white Westie

That's great that is

Sue K · 26 Aug 2012, 16:12

Tv news broadcast: What were you doing in 1994 ?

Me: Oh... That was the year I discovered Meat Loaf... or was that ...

Husband: We got married...

Me: Oh... ummm... hehe... or was Meat in 1993 ? ... Oh, Sweetie... I'm getting old and never remember that date... hehe ...

...

**The Flying Mouse** · 06 Sep 2012, 16:58

Posted by a friend on another forum.

Quote:

Am I too young to buy a rug, I wonder?

**The Flying Mouse** · 21 Sep 2012, 18:40

News analyst Bob Beckel makes his feeling known concering Wikileaks founder Julian Assange..........

Quote:

"A dead man can't leak stuff," Beckel said. "This guy's a traitor, he's treasonous, and he has broken every law of the United States."

I didn't know you could commit treason to a country you don't hold citizenship too

And this is the best part

Quote:

"And I'm not for the death penalty, so...there's only one way to do it: illegally shoot the son of a bitch."

F*cking love it

Hypnobabe · 30 Sep 2012, 21:45

From a Uni friend yesterday: "Transylvania? Is that abroad?!"

**The Flying Mouse** · 01 Oct 2012, 19:30

I rang a pal of mine up but his phone went to answer phone.

Me - No answer.

Jo - You're better off ringing him when you can get hold of him.

Me - How am I supposed to know if he's available to answer the call or not before I ring him?

*AndyK* · 01 Oct 2012, 19:36

"I do" ... Lucy on Saturday!

**The Flying Mouse** · 23 Oct 2012, 04:35

*while watching a political debate on TV*
Jo - "Dick Cheney, he was a deterctive wasn't he?"

Me - "That was Dick Tracy"

Hypnobabe · 29 Oct 2012, 18:57

At various points during the Resident Evil movie marathon on Saturday: "zom-nom-nom-nom-nom...."

*AndyK* · 23 Dec 2012, 14:51

My Wife: "Andy, the freezer's broke"
Me: "In what way is the freezer broke?"
My Wife: "I can't work it"

**The Flying Mouse** · 23 Dec 2012, 20:52

On the subject of Celeb BB...........

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fire Ball

I told them no.

melon · 24 Dec 2012, 02:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Flying Mouse

On the subject of Celeb BB...........

I want to like that that post, like, a million-billion times

Sent from my HTC Incredible S using Forum Runner

*AndyK* · 30 Mar 2013, 20:50

The prize for observation within an environment goes to Biggles for:

"That's that bloke off the One Show"

LucyK! · 30 Mar 2013, 20:53

Followed closely by Sean's "just spat my b@stard tea all over the place!"

26 Aug 2012, 16:12	#538
Sue K Mega Loafer Join Date: 20.04.2003 Posts: 13,041	Happy Sunday AGAIN, meatie peeps ... Tv news broadcast: What were you doing in 1994 ? Me: Oh... That was the year I discovered Meat Loaf... or was that ... Husband: We got married... Me: Oh... ummm... hehe... or was Meat in 1993 ? ... Oh, Sweetie... I'm getting old and never remember that date... hehe ... ...

02 May 2011, 12:21	#526
Monstro Promoted to Wario's spellchecker Join Date: 17.09.2005 Location: London Posts: 12,947	Stolen from a m8 who found it on twitter....... Didn't think they did Bin collections on a bank holiday

03 May 2011, 13:28	#528
samurai7 Rock Star Join Date: 09.05.2005 Location: The future... Posts: 2,928	My brother, on getting fat: I love my food, me. It's all I ever eat!

30 May 2011, 23:59	#529
Sue K Mega Loafer Join Date: 20.04.2003 Posts: 13,041	Not a quote really, I suppose, but I did have to explain to my mother-in-law why people were going in and out of the house that's for sale two doors down from ours. It's the people who own the house. They haven't moved, simply put the house up. She just couldn't comprehend people putting their house up for sale... and staying there ... lol ... Pity me... PLEASE ... SOMEbody ... lol ... xo

11 Jul 2011, 21:40	#530
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	Nuclear war - tuck and roll!!!!

19 Sep 2011, 00:10	#531
Sue K Mega Loafer Join Date: 20.04.2003 Posts: 13,041	Again, from my mother-in-law, who's been diagnosed with stomach cancer (and please bear in mind, she's 78yo and VERY old school) : Phone call to her in hospital : me : Has the cancer doctor been in to see you yet? mnl: No, just some colored fella. He came in and told me the results of the test and what they were probably going to do, but no. No cancer doctor yet. **** To find, yes, that was her cancer doctor... lol ... I asked my husband, what, did she think the janitor was coming in telling her all this ?... lol ... good gravy davy in the morning ...

07 Oct 2011, 16:07	#532
Sue K Mega Loafer Join Date: 20.04.2003 Posts: 13,041	another mother-in-lawism ... "Don't bother reading the other side of the paper. It's in Puerto Rican". Pronounced ~ "PortaReekin". And of course, she means "Spanish".

25 Mar 2012, 19:40	#533
Evil One Mega Loafer Join Date: 15.01.2007 Posts: 5,193	"You irritate the hole in my ~~~~ing crotch!" - an ugly old woman bellowing across the road at another ugly old woman.

10 Apr 2012, 23:40	#534
duke knooby Mega Loafer Join Date: 24.06.2005 Location: belfast Posts: 17,908	read this on another site where they were commenting on the problems sony is currently having... and it made me laugh "Apple are experts at making people think they are in some exclusive club rather than having their choices limited. Sony’s problem is that their software is clunky as ~~~~ and is always the worst thing about their products so it doesn’t give off that air of smug you get from Apple." (that air of smug you get from apple... i loved that bit)

11 Apr 2012, 00:45	#535
Sebastian. Biggles Join Date: 15.02.2011 Location: Texas Posts: 2,029	Marge: Have you noticed any change in Bart? Homer: New glasses? Marge: No…he looks like something might be disturbing him. Homer: Probably misses his old glasses. Marge: I guess we could get more involved in Bart’s activities but then I’d be afraid of smothering him. Homer: Yeah, and then we’d get the chair. Marge: That’s not what I meant. Homer: It was, Marge, admit it.

22 May 2012, 22:37	#536
snowy Super Loafer Join Date: 21.04.2006 Location: Herts Posts: 292	My daughter has to write a fact file about someone famous and has chosen the Rock God himself on which to base her work. (Well trained from a young age). The first page has the basic details, name, birth, even birth name but under Death she has written 'He's not dead yet'. I'm still laughing

14 Aug 2012, 16:09	#537
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	Jo - I want to clone Scoobie, 'cause then i'll have two gorgeous little boys running round. Me - You already do <------ said with a cheesy smile Jo - You're not a little white Westie That's great that is

30 Sep 2012, 21:45	#541
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	From a Uni friend yesterday: "Transylvania? Is that abroad?!"

01 Oct 2012, 19:30	#542
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	I rang a pal of mine up but his phone went to answer phone. Me - No answer. Jo - You're better off ringing him when you can get hold of him. Me - How am I supposed to know if he's available to answer the call or not before I ring him?

01 Oct 2012, 19:36	#543
AndyK Relentless Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side Posts: 18,694	"I do" ... Lucy on Saturday!

23 Oct 2012, 04:35	#544
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	while watching a political debate on TV Jo - "Dick Cheney, he was a deterctive wasn't he?" Me - "That was Dick Tracy"

29 Oct 2012, 18:57	#545
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	At various points during the Resident Evil movie marathon on Saturday: "zom-nom-nom-nom-nom...."

23 Dec 2012, 14:51	#546
AndyK Relentless Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side Posts: 18,694	My Wife: "Andy, the freezer's broke" Me: "In what way is the freezer broke?" My Wife: "I can't work it"

30 Mar 2013, 20:50	#549
AndyK Relentless Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Over the top..... seeing what's on the other side Posts: 18,694	The prize for observation within an environment goes to Biggles for: "That's that bloke off the One Show"

30 Mar 2013, 20:53	#550
LucyK! The Monster Is Luce Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Posts: 7,547	Followed closely by Sean's "just spat my b@stard tea all over the place!"