Alternative Lyrics

Ageing Bat · 01 Nov 2005, 12:37

At first I was afraid, I was petrified
When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died
But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long
That I grew strong
And knew that I could take you on

But there you are... another lie,
I was geared up for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry
I should have known it was bullsh*t, just a sad, pathetic dream
Should have known no anaconda would be lurking in those jeans...

Go on now go... walk out the door
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4
Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catch you out
Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count!

(Chorus) :
I will survive, I will survive
Cos as long as I have batteries my sex life is gonna thrive!
I will always have good sex with a handful of latex
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey hey

It took all my self-control not to laugh out loud
When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud
But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs
Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multi-speed

Go on now go... you'd better flee
Last time I saw a pr*ck that small was on my brother... he was 3
I should have asked for confirmation, should have asked for referees
Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me

Go on now go... just hit the track
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers 'cos I'll always throw them back
The only thing that I could do with a pr*ck as small as yours
Is to stick it with a tooth-pick, dip it in tomato sauce

(Chorus)

Go on now go... get out of my sight
I'm going back to my appliance 'cos I know it's length is right
And if I ever see your tiny truncheon standing at my door
You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor

Go on now go...

Tim · 01 Nov 2005, 12:48

that one is great!!!

Ageing Bat · 01 Nov 2005, 14:09

TO THE TUNE OF THE QUEEN HIT..................

INDIAN RHAPSODY

Naan, just killed a man
poppadom against his head
Had lime pickle now he's dead.
Naan, dinner's just begun
But now I'm gonna throw it all away.
Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back from the loo by
this time tomorrow Curry on, curry on Cause nothing really Madras.

Too late, my dinner's gone
Sends shivers down my spine
Bottom aching all the time
Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo.
Naan, ooh, ooh
This dopiaza is so mild I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all.

[guitar solo]

I see a little chicken tikka on the side
Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh,
pass the chutney made of mango
Vindaloo does nicely
Very very spicy
Meat!
Byriani (Byriani) Byriani (Byriani) Byriani and a naan
(A vindaloo loo loo loo)

I've eaten balti, somebody help me
He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory
Stand you well back 'Case the loo is quarantined...
Here it comes
There it goes
Technicolor yawn
I chunder No!
It's coming up again
(There he goes)
I chunder, it's coming back again
(There he goes)
Coming back again
(up again)
Here it comes again.
(No no no no no no NO)
On my knees, I'm on my knees
On his knees,
Oh, there he goes
This vindaloo Is about to wreck my guts Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE!

[guitar solo]

So you think you can chunder and then feel alright?
So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night?
Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby
Just had to come out It just had to come right out in here.

[guitar solo]

[slow bit]
Korma or dopiaza
bhaji, naan or saag
Nothing makes a difference
Nothing makes a difference
To meee....
(Any way the wind blows....shshshsh)

SuperLoafMan · 01 Nov 2005, 14:36

Fantastic

Leah · 01 Nov 2005, 20:07

They're great!! V.Funny indeed!

Cathie · 01 Nov 2005, 20:09

LMAO

DIZZY DRUMMER · 01 Nov 2005, 20:51

Some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (KIRK0 startrek

Some girls like to buy new clothes, and others like batelths and fighting old foes
But there's only one thing that for them all works
Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk.
Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk.
He knows how to keep a woman satisfied
Whenever they see him; their eyes open wide
It doesn't matter if he's wearing a shirt
Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk
Oh, girls just wanna have...

That's all they really want, just Kirk
It's not Bones, or Scotty, or Spock, or some jerk
Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk.
Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk.

[background singers:]
Girls, they want; wanna have Kirk
Girls wanna have.....

The com beeps in the middle of the night.
A blonde wakes up like she has taken a fright
Then Jim says, "Girl go put on your skirt."
"There's a job for Captain Kirk"
"That's me, Yeah, I'm James T..."

That's all they really want, just Kirk
It's not Bones, or Scotty, or Spock, or some jerk
Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk.
Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk.
[background singers:]
Girls, they want; wanna have Kirk
Girls wanna have.....
[everybody]
They just wanna, they just wanna
Girls wanna, they just wanna
Girls just wanna have Kirk.

01 Nov 2005, 12:37	#1
Ageing Bat Young at heart. Slightly older in other places. Join Date: 20.11.2003 Location: Here! Posts: 1,311	Alternative Lyrics At first I was afraid, I was petrified When you said you had 10 inches, Lord I almost died But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long That I grew strong And knew that I could take you on But there you are... another lie, I was geared up for a Big Mac and you've brought me a French fry I should have known it was bullsht, just a sad, pathetic dream Should have known no anaconda would be lurking in those jeans... Go on now go... walk out the door Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4 Weren't you a prat to think that I wouldn't catch you out Don't you know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count! (Chorus) : I will survive, I will survive Cos as long as I have batteries my sex life is gonna thrive! I will always have good sex with a handful of latex I will survive, I will survive. . .hey hey It took all my self-control not to laugh out loud When I saw your little wiener standing tall and proud But to hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs Now I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multi-speed Go on now go... you'd better flee Last time I saw a prck that small was on my brother... he was 3 I should have asked for confirmation, should have asked for referees Then I wouldn't have you waving that wee winky thing at me Go on now go... just hit the track Don't you bring me home no tiddlers 'cos I'll always throw them back The only thing that I could do with a pr*ck as small as yours Is to stick it with a tooth-pick, dip it in tomato sauce (Chorus) Go on now go... get out of my sight I'm going back to my appliance 'cos I know it's length is right And if I ever see your tiny truncheon standing at my door You'll be counting up your inches as you pick them off the floor Go on now go...

01 Nov 2005, 12:48	#2
Tim The Butcher Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Westervoort, The Netherlands Posts: 10,321	that one is great!!!

01 Nov 2005, 14:09	#3
Ageing Bat Young at heart. Slightly older in other places. Join Date: 20.11.2003 Location: Here! Posts: 1,311	TO THE TUNE OF THE QUEEN HIT.................. INDIAN RHAPSODY Naan, just killed a man poppadom against his head Had lime pickle now he's dead. Naan, dinner's just begun But now I'm gonna throw it all away. Naan, ooh, ooh Didn't mean to make you cry If I'm not back from the loo by this time tomorrow Curry on, curry on Cause nothing really Madras. Too late, my dinner's gone Sends shivers down my spine Bottom aching all the time Goodbye onion bhaji, I've got to go Gotta leave you all behind and use the loo. Naan, ooh, ooh This dopiaza is so mild I sometimes wish we'd never come here at all. [guitar solo] I see a little chicken tikka on the side Rogan Josh, Rogan Josh, pass the chutney made of mango Vindaloo does nicely Very very spicy Meat! Byriani (Byriani) Byriani (Byriani) Byriani and a naan (A vindaloo loo loo loo) I've eaten balti, somebody help me He's eaten balti, get him to the lavatory Stand you well back 'Case the loo is quarantined... Here it comes There it goes Technicolor yawn I chunder No! It's coming up again (There he goes) I chunder, it's coming back again (There he goes) Coming back again (up again) Here it comes again. (No no no no no no NO) On my knees, I'm on my knees On his knees, Oh, there he goes This vindaloo Is about to wreck my guts Poor meee.. poor meeee...poor MEEEEEE! [guitar solo] So you think you can chunder and then feel alright? So you try to eat curry and drink beer all night? Oh maybe, but now you'll puke like a baby Just had to come out It just had to come right out in here. [guitar solo] [slow bit] Korma or dopiaza bhaji, naan or saag Nothing makes a difference Nothing makes a difference To meee.... (Any way the wind blows....shshshsh)

01 Nov 2005, 14:36	#4
SuperLoafMan Meat Loaf Rocks! Join Date: 25.01.2005 Location: Barnsley, UK Posts: 3,887	Fantastic

01 Nov 2005, 20:07	#5
Leah Mega Loafer Join Date: 03.04.2005 Location: Cleethorpes, North East coast of England Posts: 1,510	They're great!! V.Funny indeed!

01 Nov 2005, 20:09	#6
Cathie Sweet But Sadistic Join Date: 18.06.2003 Location: Lincolnshire/Essex depending on the time of year! Posts: 4,098	LMAO

01 Nov 2005, 20:51	#7
DIZZY DRUMMER Always Ready For A Bang Join Date: 30.11.2003 Location: Left In The Dark .......... AGAIN Posts: 6,389	Some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun (KIRK0 startrek Some girls like to buy new clothes, and others like batelths and fighting old foes But there's only one thing that for them all works Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk. Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk. He knows how to keep a woman satisfied Whenever they see him; their eyes open wide It doesn't matter if he's wearing a shirt Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk Oh, girls just wanna have... That's all they really want, just Kirk It's not Bones, or Scotty, or Spock, or some jerk Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk. Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk. [background singers:] Girls, they want; wanna have Kirk Girls wanna have..... The com beeps in the middle of the night. A blonde wakes up like she has taken a fright Then Jim says, "Girl go put on your skirt." "There's a job for Captain Kirk" "That's me, Yeah, I'm James T..." That's all they really want, just Kirk It's not Bones, or Scotty, or Spock, or some jerk Oh, girls they wanna have Kirk. Oh, girls just wanna have Kirk. [background singers:] Girls, they want; wanna have Kirk Girls wanna have..... [everybody] They just wanna, they just wanna Girls wanna, they just wanna Girls just wanna have Kirk.