A letter to my humans

Chris · 19 Feb 2004, 15:22

Dear All,

I have read with interest your letter addressed to the dog and I. The dog has not yet read it as he is far too busy barking at a tree.

In response to your letter I feel you ahev raised some extremely valid points and I have therefore decided that, although I am a far superior lifeform, i will endeavour to improve myself even more.

Therefore I must:

Differentiate between the sound of a tin of cat food opening and a tin of beans opening.

Learn that I don't like EVERYTHING humans eat.

Acknowledge that neither the hairdryer nor the vaccuum cleaner are going to eat me.

Train my human. There is no excuse for putting a cat out in the rain - NONE WHATSOEVER.

Catch and eat string

Learn that just because someone is sitting down does not mean that they want me to sit on them

Not to be surprised that the small furry adn feathery things astop playing when i have bitten their heads off.

Learn that people cannot fix the aforementioned furry adn feathery things

Not leave bits of small furry or feathery things on the good carpet.

Sharpen my claws so I can show appreciation when sitting on someone's lap.

Learn that neither the garage nor the shed are good places to play if i want to be home in time for tea.

Only climb up trees I know I can climb down again.

Not stand behind someone in the kitchen then complain if i get trodden on.

Try to control myself when i smell fish.

Learn that standing with my nose pressed against the door does not make the humans open it any faster.

Not want to go through a door just becasue it is there.

Find somewhere to sleep that is not he middle of the hall, top of the stairs, a freshly washed cream duvet cover, a piece of coursework or the newspaper that is being read.

Not leave little piles of fur wherever i sit down.

Not try stalking the barbecue - It is hot.

Chase and eat as many spiders as the humans can find to scream at.

Yours sincerely

The Cat

PS. I am sure the dog would also like to respond but he has found a rather excting parked car to bark at! - you just can't take him anywhere!!

Gez · 19 Feb 2004, 15:26

RUFF Justice

Rob The Badger · 19 Feb 2004, 17:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gerry

RUFF Justice

*stab*

shadow1000001 · 20 Feb 2004, 03:27

I love it Chris

BadAttitude · 20 Feb 2004, 04:43

Thanks, Chris I printed your letter to read to my cat and after reading it to him he just just looked at it funny and then he threw up a hairball on it I wonder what that means?

~Autumn~

19 Feb 2004, 15:22	#1
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	A letter to my humans Dear All, I have read with interest your letter addressed to the dog and I. The dog has not yet read it as he is far too busy barking at a tree. In response to your letter I feel you ahev raised some extremely valid points and I have therefore decided that, although I am a far superior lifeform, i will endeavour to improve myself even more. Therefore I must: Differentiate between the sound of a tin of cat food opening and a tin of beans opening. Learn that I don't like EVERYTHING humans eat. Acknowledge that neither the hairdryer nor the vaccuum cleaner are going to eat me. Train my human. There is no excuse for putting a cat out in the rain - NONE WHATSOEVER. Catch and eat string Learn that just because someone is sitting down does not mean that they want me to sit on them Not to be surprised that the small furry adn feathery things astop playing when i have bitten their heads off. Learn that people cannot fix the aforementioned furry adn feathery things Not leave bits of small furry or feathery things on the good carpet. Sharpen my claws so I can show appreciation when sitting on someone's lap. Learn that neither the garage nor the shed are good places to play if i want to be home in time for tea. Only climb up trees I know I can climb down again. Not stand behind someone in the kitchen then complain if i get trodden on. Try to control myself when i smell fish. Learn that standing with my nose pressed against the door does not make the humans open it any faster. Not want to go through a door just becasue it is there. Find somewhere to sleep that is not he middle of the hall, top of the stairs, a freshly washed cream duvet cover, a piece of coursework or the newspaper that is being read. Not leave little piles of fur wherever i sit down. Not try stalking the barbecue - It is hot. Chase and eat as many spiders as the humans can find to scream at. Yours sincerely The Cat PS. I am sure the dog would also like to respond but he has found a rather excting parked car to bark at! - you just can't take him anywhere!!

19 Feb 2004, 15:26	#2
Gez Knicker thief Join Date: 17.04.2003 Location: auch...not on the fence Posts: 5,633	RUFF Justice

20 Feb 2004, 03:27	#4
shadow1000001 Mega Loafer Join Date: 10.07.2003 Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada Posts: 2,580	I love it Chris

20 Feb 2004, 04:43	#5
BadAttitude Super Loafer Join Date: 19.11.2003 Location: Florida Posts: 482	Thanks, Chris I printed your letter to read to my cat and after reading it to him he just just looked at it funny and then he threw up a hairball on it I wonder what that means? ~Autumn~