Some words to live life by....

Chris · 04 Jun 2003, 22:07

One should love animals
They are so tasty.

Love thy neighbor
But don't get caught.

Behind every successful man, there is one woman and behind every
unsuccessful man, there are two.

Every man should marry after all, happiness is not the only thing in
life.

Money is not everything
There's MasterCard & Visa.

Wise men never marry and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today.

Love is photogenic
It needs darkness to develop

A good discussion is like a miniskirt
Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject

Children in backseats cause accidents
Accidents in backseats cause children

Your future depends on your dreams
So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every
morning

"ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY"
So what? Who's in a hurry?

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!)

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours!

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

When two's company, three's the result!

A dress is like a barbed fence
It protects the premises without restricting the view

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget,
The more you forget, the less you know
So. Why learn.

Chris · 05 Jun 2003, 00:25

a couple of others:

Women, WHY????

Why do they not put the answers at the bottom of the whisky glass?

original sin · 05 Jun 2003, 15:54

me detects a slight slant towards sexism here

I may have to redress the balance

Testify · 05 Jun 2003, 18:11

hmmmm

R. · 05 Jun 2003, 19:33

TWENTY-FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY NOW !

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques

12. Wherever you go, there you are.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

dottie · 05 Jun 2003, 19:44

seen on the back bumper of my sons car:-

unless your a hemorrhoid stay off my a..e

Testify · 05 Jun 2003, 19:51

hehehehehehehehehehehehe

Chris · 05 Jun 2003, 19:59

On the back of my motor:

Get Revenge, Sh*t on a pigeon!

Testify · 05 Jun 2003, 20:00

hehe thats funny, i wanna put it on my dads car!! hmmm...whats this....ahh...spray paint!!

Chris · 24 Jun 2003, 11:07

I am passing this advice on because it ahs certainly worked for me. By following the simple advice I read in a magazine I have finally found inner peace.

The article read "The way to inner peace is to finish all the things you ahve started."

So I looked around to see all th things that I started but hadn't finished and today I've finished one bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a box of chocolates, some prozac and a litre of gin.

I also found 23 cans of lager that had been overlooked in the cellar and for breakfast I have had the rest of last nights pizza.

You have no idea how good I now feel!!!

Rob The Badger · 24 Jun 2003, 11:33

"Trying to make ends meet,
You're a slave to the money
Then you die" ~ Richard Ashcroft

Chris · 06 Aug 2003, 18:32

When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead.

Life is sexually transmitted.

An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead?"

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Get the last word in: Apologize.

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Some people are like Slinkies . . .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to?

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to
criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is
weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to
realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole
box to start a barbecue?

AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
You read about all these terrorists -- most of them came here legally,
but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15
years.

Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video
and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of
immigration.

ROSIE · 06 Aug 2003, 19:13

Bought this T-shirt yesterday it reads

Five tips for a woman

1. It is important to find a man who has a gold credit card

2. It is important to find a man with a sense of humour

3. It is important to find a man who is kind and considerate

4. It is important to find a man that is good in bed.

5. It is important that these four men never met!

Rosie

Tim · 07 Aug 2003, 00:13

Hehehe, they are very funny to read!!!!
Cool ones!

Crystal Eyes · 07 Aug 2003, 17:17

hehe

so many wise words

Shadows On The Wall · 07 Aug 2003, 21:56

Amen

04 Jun 2003, 22:07	#1
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Some words to live life by.... One should love animals They are so tasty. Love thy neighbor But don't get caught. Behind every successful man, there is one woman and behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry after all, happiness is not the only thing in life. Money is not everything There's MasterCard & Visa. Wise men never marry and when they marry they become otherwise. Success is a relative term It brings so many relatives. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. Love is photogenic It needs darkness to develop A good discussion is like a miniskirt Short enough to pertain interest and long enough to cover the subject Children in backseats cause accidents Accidents in backseats cause children Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning "ALCOHOL KILLS SLOWLY" So what? Who's in a hurry? "Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk! (I don't want to be an exception!) "Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours! God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends. When two's company, three's the result! A dress is like a barbed fence It protects the premises without restricting the view The more you learn, the more you know, The more you know, the more you forget, The more you forget, the less you know So. Why learn.

05 Jun 2003, 19:33	#5
R. You dig. Join Date: 02.04.2002 Location: On the fothermucker Posts: 7,179	More wisdom ... TWENTY-FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNED BY NOW ! 1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques 12. Wherever you go, there you are. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

05 Jun 2003, 00:25	#2
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	a couple of others: Women, WHY???? Why do they not put the answers at the bottom of the whisky glass?

05 Jun 2003, 15:54	#3
original sin Sinner Join Date: 15.04.2003 Location: cyber space Posts: 2,457	me detects a slight slant towards sexism here I may have to redress the balance

05 Jun 2003, 18:11	#4
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	hmmmm

05 Jun 2003, 19:44	#6
dottie queen post- whore extraordinaire Join Date: 29.01.2003 Location: Still Rockin' at "72" Posts: 13,181	seen on the back bumper of my sons car:- unless your a hemorrhoid stay off my a..e

05 Jun 2003, 19:51	#7
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	hehehehehehehehehehehehe

05 Jun 2003, 19:59	#8
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	On the back of my motor: Get Revenge, Sh*t on a pigeon!

05 Jun 2003, 20:00	#9
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	hehe thats funny, i wanna put it on my dads car!! hmmm...whats this....ahh...spray paint!!

24 Jun 2003, 11:07	#10
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	I am passing this advice on because it ahs certainly worked for me. By following the simple advice I read in a magazine I have finally found inner peace. The article read "The way to inner peace is to finish all the things you ahve started." So I looked around to see all th things that I started but hadn't finished and today I've finished one bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine, a bottle of Jack Daniels, a box of chocolates, some prozac and a litre of gin. I also found 23 cans of lager that had been overlooked in the cellar and for breakfast I have had the rest of last nights pizza. You have no idea how good I now feel!!!

24 Jun 2003, 11:33	#11
Rob The Badger Too sexy for this post Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 2,895	"Trying to make ends meet, You're a slave to the money Then you die" ~ Richard Ashcroft

06 Aug 2003, 18:32	#12
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. Life is sexually transmitted. An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead?" Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Get the last word in: Apologize. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks. Some people are like Slinkies . . .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to? Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents? In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a barbecue? AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: You read about all these terrorists -- most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10 -15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

06 Aug 2003, 19:13	#13
ROSIE Invisible again! Join Date: 30.06.2003 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1,240	Bought this T-shirt yesterday it reads Five tips for a woman 1. It is important to find a man who has a gold credit card 2. It is important to find a man with a sense of humour 3. It is important to find a man who is kind and considerate 4. It is important to find a man that is good in bed. 5. It is important that these four men never met! Rosie

07 Aug 2003, 00:13	#14
Tim The Butcher Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Westervoort, The Netherlands Posts: 10,321	Hehehe, they are very funny to read!!!! Cool ones!

07 Aug 2003, 17:17	#15
Crystal Eyes Super Loafer Join Date: 09.07.2003 Location: In the clouds Posts: 649	hehe so many wise words

07 Aug 2003, 21:56	#16
Shadows On The Wall Super Loafer Join Date: 17.03.2003 Location: Wales Posts: 278	Amen