Beer drinker's trouble shooting guide

Hypnobabe · 21 Aug 2007, 16:09

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate glass so that open end points to ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to nearest dog. Complain about house training.

Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: Glass empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself lashed to the bar.

Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.

Symptom: Beer tasteless. Front of shirt is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face.
Action: Retire to restroom. Practice in front of mirror.

Symptom: Floor blurred.
Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: Floor moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Symptom: Room seems unusually dark.
Fault: Bar has closed.
Action: Confirm home address with bartender.

Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on someone cushy-looking.

Symptom: Beer is crystal-clear.
Fault: It's water. Your friends are trying to sober you up.
Action: Find a new set of friends.

Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Not knowing who you fought with, apologize to everyone.

Symptom: Don't recognise anyone. Don't recognise the room.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.

Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted.
Fault: The beer is too weak.
Action: Drink more until your voice improves.

Cpl Mickey · 21 Aug 2007, 17:03

You are so good

melon · 21 Aug 2007, 17:31

These are brilliant! Do you mind if I copy them so I can take them to work? People at work and my friends will love this, so me! lol

Hypnobabe · 21 Aug 2007, 18:50

Quote:

Originally Posted by melon

These are brilliant! Do you mind if I copy them so I can take them to work? People at work and my friends will love this, so me! lol

Help yourself! I blatantly nicked them from another forum anyway!!!

mszee · 21 Aug 2007, 19:05

This is great!!!

Thanks, Claire!!!

Hypnobabe · 21 Aug 2007, 23:23

You're welcome, smoochy-poo...

mszee · 22 Aug 2007, 14:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hypnobabe

You're welcome, smoochy-poo...

You are always on my mind...you're always on my mind...

R. · 22 Aug 2007, 19:59

duke knooby · 22 Aug 2007, 23:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by R.

love it to bits

21 Aug 2007, 16:09	#1
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	Beer drinker's trouble shooting guide Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Action: Rotate glass so that open end points to ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Improper bladder control. Action: Stand next to nearest dog. Complain about house training. Symptom: Beer unusually pale and tasteless. Fault: Glass empty. Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. Fault: You have fallen over backward. Action: Have yourself lashed to the bar. Symptom: Mouth contains cigarette butts. Fault: You have fallen forward. Action: See above. Symptom: Beer tasteless. Front of shirt is wet. Fault: Mouth not open or glass applied to wrong part of face. Action: Retire to restroom. Practice in front of mirror. Symptom: Floor blurred. Fault: You are looking through bottom of empty glass. Action: Get someone to buy you another beer. Symptom: Floor moving. Fault: You are being carried out. Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. Symptom: Room seems unusually dark. Fault: Bar has closed. Action: Confirm home address with bartender. Symptom: Everyone looks up to you and smiles. Fault: You are dancing on the table. Action: Fall on someone cushy-looking. Symptom: Beer is crystal-clear. Fault: It's water. Your friends are trying to sober you up. Action: Find a new set of friends. Symptom: Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear. Fault: You have been in a fight. Action: Not knowing who you fought with, apologize to everyone. Symptom: Don't recognise anyone. Don't recognise the room. Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party. Action: See if they have free beer. Symptom: Your singing sounds distorted. Fault: The beer is too weak. Action: Drink more until your voice improves.

21 Aug 2007, 17:03	#2
Cpl Mickey Mega Loafer Join Date: 15.09.2003 Location: Maidstone. England Posts: 1,378	You are so good

21 Aug 2007, 17:31	#3
melon Long Distance Loafer Join Date: 17.07.2007 Location: Perth, Australia Posts: 4,586	These are brilliant! Do you mind if I copy them so I can take them to work? People at work and my friends will love this, so me! lol

21 Aug 2007, 19:05	#5
mszee Mega Loafer Join Date: 28.03.2006 Location: And you think you're down under??? Posts: 26,252	This is great!!! Thanks, Claire!!!

21 Aug 2007, 23:23	#6
Hypnobabe mszee's Mistress with sexy goddess boots Join Date: 13.07.2005 Location: Hitting the highway like a battering ram... Posts: 7,686	You're welcome, smoochy-poo...

22 Aug 2007, 19:59	#8
R. You dig. Join Date: 02.04.2002 Location: On the fothermucker Posts: 7,179