Drinking Probs

Wild_Honey · 19 Oct 2003, 14:57

The Drinkers Fault Finding Guide
================================

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale and clear.
Fault: Glass is empty.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Room is spinning.
Fault: Somebody is spinning your barstool.
Solution: Vomit on person doing the spinning.

Symptom: Feet cold and wet.
Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.

Symptom: Feet warm and wet.
Fault: Loss of self-control.
Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom: Lap cool and wet.
Fault: Drooling on yourself.
Solution: Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom: Bar blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint.

Symptom: Bar moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

Sympton: Bar looks like a circus.
Fault: You're at a circus.
Solution: Go to a bar.

Symptom: The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it.
Fault: You have fallen over backwards.
Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends.
Fault: You have fallen over forwards.
Solution: Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter.
Solution: Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in.

Symptom: Everything has gone dim.
Fault: The pub is closing.
Solution: PANIC!!

ROSIE · 19 Oct 2003, 15:14

How come you know me so well

Rosie

heat · 19 Oct 2003, 15:15

Oh god...some of these are soooooo familliar........

CarolM · 19 Oct 2003, 16:07

i know what you mean Heat.

R. · 19 Oct 2003, 17:00

Wild_Honey · 19 Oct 2003, 20:34

original sin · 19 Oct 2003, 20:43

someone been reading my diary?

ROSIE · 19 Oct 2003, 20:46

Poster in my son's room I went in there in July

Beer helping ugly people have sex since 1892!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rosie

shadow1000001 · 19 Oct 2003, 20:57

This sounds like most of my early 20's

Maria

Testify · 19 Oct 2003, 22:15

dottie · 21 Oct 2003, 11:30

Always, always have plenty to eat when your drinking, and then try to identify it

Chris · 21 Oct 2003, 14:26

Thank you Dottie!! Yes I am eating at the moment!!!!!

I am worried as I recognise way way too many of these!!!

Kitty Kat · 21 Oct 2003, 22:57

been there, done that, got the t'shirt and the tattoo..
I don't have a drinking problem - I drink, get drunk,
fall over No problem.

Chris · 21 Oct 2003, 23:46

Kitty kat,

I think anyone who hsa ever been in Halifax's Coliseum and Maine Street has done the drunk adn falling down bit!!!!

I must admit to one drunken problem!! There is a guy in Halifax has a sausage stall and is known locally as Salmonella Sam!!! For the Terry Pratchett fans, he is the original C.M.O.T. Dibbler. He does Sausages ina bun that you woul dhave trouble feeding a dog when sober, But by 'eck do they taste nice when inebriated!!!!

dottie · 22 Oct 2003, 00:30

Thought I'd better post this as a warning to you youngsters out there:

In 1996 Roy and I went to Ibiza, after spending an evening drinking tequila, we returned to our hotel, arrived safely, but the lift was out of order, so we decided to take the stairs, didn't have much choice really,
slipped about 10 stairs up, grabbed bannister, pulled Roy down and myself to the bottom of the stairs, fractured my wrist in two places, concussion, and severe bruising. Roy had a fractured elbow, deep gash on head and severe bruising again.

Since that day I have never drunk to excess but just enough to feel merry, too scared that it might happen again

shadow1000001 · 22 Oct 2003, 08:20

That's a very good warning Dottie. It's too bad that you had to experience it in such a painful way

Maria

Kitty Kat · 23 Oct 2003, 20:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

Kitty kat,

I think anyone who hsa ever been in Halifax's Coliseum and Maine Street has done the drunk adn falling down bit!!!!

I must admit to one drunken problem!! There is a guy in Halifax has a sausage stall and is known locally as Salmonella Sam!!! For the Terry Pratchett fans, he is the original C.M.O.T. Dibbler. He does Sausages ina bun that you woul dhave trouble feeding a dog when sober, But by 'eck do they taste nice when inebriated!!!!

And all the other clubs in Halifax - too numerous to mention. I must admit that it was quite a long time ago for me - I now have trouble staying awake after midnight. The original party pooper.

Your Salmonella Sams sausages, very nice on the way down but not so good on the way back up!!!

Chris · 23 Oct 2003, 21:46

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitty Kat

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

Kitty kat,

I think anyone who hsa ever been in Halifax's Coliseum and Maine Street has done the drunk adn falling down bit!!!!

I must admit to one drunken problem!! There is a guy in Halifax has a sausage stall and is known locally as Salmonella Sam!!! For the Terry Pratchett fans, he is the original C.M.O.T. Dibbler. He does Sausages ina bun that you woul dhave trouble feeding a dog when sober, But by 'eck do they taste nice when inebriated!!!!

And all the other clubs in Halifax - too numerous to mention. I must admit that it was quite a long time ago for me - I now have trouble staying awake after midnight. The original party pooper.

Your Salmonella Sams sausages, very nice on the way down but not so good on the way back up!!!

We were talking about this at work this afternoon and we found someone who had once eaten one when sober!!!! Apparently they taste disgusting!!!!

This is bringing back so many memories of drunken nights up town I may have to hit the Acapulco and then Zoo bar on saturday night!!!!!!!

tukayaway · 25 Oct 2003, 23:26

OK, am I the only one who eats kebabs when they're sober?

I never have lettuce or tomatoes or chilli sauce though, it's got enough calories as it is.

R. · 25 Oct 2003, 23:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by tukayaway

OK, am I the only one who eats kebabs when they're sober?

No.

Kitty Kat · 26 Oct 2003, 14:13

My worst drink related story happened quite a long time ago. I had been out with friends for the evening and the only recollection I had on waking up the next morningh was walking down the garden path. When I finally arose from my pit horror horror I couldn't find any of my clothes. I searched the house including the inside of the washing machine. I looked under the bed and in the linen basket. In all other bedrooms in the house - result no clothes. I rang my friends and there memories were just as bad as mine. Leter in the day when I went to make my bed Eureka i found them all. Every item of clothing had been folded up and put inside the pillow case including a pair of three inch high stilleto heel shoes (for those of you old enough to remember them) and I had slept on them all night. It's right what they say - no sense no feeling.

Chris · 26 Oct 2003, 15:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by tukayaway

OK, am I the only one who eats kebabs when they're sober?

I never have lettuce or tomatoes or chilli sauce though, it's got enough calories as it is.

Nope :)

Gez · 01 Nov 2003, 19:17

Hic...........Yummy kebabs

19 Oct 2003, 14:57	#1
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606	Drinking Probs The Drinkers Fault Finding Guide ================================ Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet. Fault: Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution: Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect. Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale and clear. Fault: Glass is empty. Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Room is spinning. Fault: Somebody is spinning your barstool. Solution: Vomit on person doing the spinning. Symptom: Feet cold and wet. Fault: Glass being held at incorrect angle. Solution: Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling. Symptom: Feet warm and wet. Fault: Loss of self-control. Solution: Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to its owner about its lack of house training. Symptom: Lap cool and wet. Fault: Drooling on yourself. Solution: Change position so that you are drooling on someone else. Symptom: Bar blurred. Fault: You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass. Solution: Find someone who will buy you another pint. Symptom: Bar moving. Fault: You are being carried out. Solution: Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not complain loudly that you are being hi-jacked. Sympton: Bar looks like a circus. Fault: You're at a circus. Solution: Go to a bar. Symptom: The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has a fluorescent strip across it. Fault: You have fallen over backwards. Solution: If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm, stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar. Symptom: Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and dog-ends. Fault: You have fallen over forwards. Solution: Same as for falling over backwards. Symptom: You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot see your bedroom walls or ceiling. Fault: You have spent the night in the gutter. Solution: Check your watch to see if it is opening time - if not treat yourself to a lie in. Symptom: Everything has gone dim. Fault: The pub is closing. Solution: PANIC!!

19 Oct 2003, 15:14	#2
ROSIE Invisible again! Join Date: 30.06.2003 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1,240	How come you know me so well Rosie

19 Oct 2003, 15:15	#3
heat Rampant Loafer... Join Date: 29.07.2002 Location: welshy wales Posts: 5,706	Oh god...some of these are soooooo familliar........

19 Oct 2003, 16:07	#4
CarolM Mega Loafer Join Date: 15.06.2003 Location: Near The End Of The Line Posts: 1,498	i know what you mean Heat.

19 Oct 2003, 17:00	#5
R. You dig. Join Date: 02.04.2002 Location: On the fothermucker Posts: 7,179

19 Oct 2003, 20:34	#6
Wild_Honey Super Loafer Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Windeck, Germany Posts: 606

19 Oct 2003, 20:43	#7
original sin Sinner Join Date: 15.04.2003 Location: cyber space Posts: 2,457	someone been reading my diary?

19 Oct 2003, 20:46	#8
ROSIE Invisible again! Join Date: 30.06.2003 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1,240	Poster in my son's room I went in there in July Beer helping ugly people have sex since 1892!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rosie

19 Oct 2003, 20:57	#9
shadow1000001 Mega Loafer Join Date: 10.07.2003 Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada Posts: 2,580	This sounds like most of my early 20's Maria

19 Oct 2003, 22:15	#10
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023

21 Oct 2003, 11:30	#11
dottie queen post- whore extraordinaire Join Date: 29.01.2003 Location: Still Rockin' at "72" Posts: 13,181	Always, always have plenty to eat when your drinking, and then try to identify it

21 Oct 2003, 14:26	#12
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Thank you Dottie!! Yes I am eating at the moment!!!!! I am worried as I recognise way way too many of these!!!

21 Oct 2003, 22:57	#13
Kitty Kat Senior Loafer Join Date: 03.09.2003 Location: West Yorkshire, UK Posts: 198	been there, done that, got the t'shirt and the tattoo.. I don't have a drinking problem - I drink, get drunk, fall over No problem.

21 Oct 2003, 23:46	#14
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Kitty kat, I think anyone who hsa ever been in Halifax's Coliseum and Maine Street has done the drunk adn falling down bit!!!! I must admit to one drunken problem!! There is a guy in Halifax has a sausage stall and is known locally as Salmonella Sam!!! For the Terry Pratchett fans, he is the original C.M.O.T. Dibbler. He does Sausages ina bun that you woul dhave trouble feeding a dog when sober, But by 'eck do they taste nice when inebriated!!!!

22 Oct 2003, 00:30	#15
dottie queen post- whore extraordinaire Join Date: 29.01.2003 Location: Still Rockin' at "72" Posts: 13,181	Thought I'd better post this as a warning to you youngsters out there: In 1996 Roy and I went to Ibiza, after spending an evening drinking tequila, we returned to our hotel, arrived safely, but the lift was out of order, so we decided to take the stairs, didn't have much choice really, slipped about 10 stairs up, grabbed bannister, pulled Roy down and myself to the bottom of the stairs, fractured my wrist in two places, concussion, and severe bruising. Roy had a fractured elbow, deep gash on head and severe bruising again. Since that day I have never drunk to excess but just enough to feel merry, too scared that it might happen again

22 Oct 2003, 08:20	#16
shadow1000001 Mega Loafer Join Date: 10.07.2003 Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada Posts: 2,580	That's a very good warning Dottie. It's too bad that you had to experience it in such a painful way Maria

25 Oct 2003, 23:26	#19
tukayaway Super Loafer Join Date: 12.05.2002 Location: Luton, England Posts: 485	OK, am I the only one who eats kebabs when they're sober? I never have lettuce or tomatoes or chilli sauce though, it's got enough calories as it is.

26 Oct 2003, 14:13	#21
Kitty Kat Senior Loafer Join Date: 03.09.2003 Location: West Yorkshire, UK Posts: 198	My worst drink related story happened quite a long time ago. I had been out with friends for the evening and the only recollection I had on waking up the next morningh was walking down the garden path. When I finally arose from my pit horror horror I couldn't find any of my clothes. I searched the house including the inside of the washing machine. I looked under the bed and in the linen basket. In all other bedrooms in the house - result no clothes. I rang my friends and there memories were just as bad as mine. Leter in the day when I went to make my bed Eureka i found them all. Every item of clothing had been folded up and put inside the pillow case including a pair of three inch high stilleto heel shoes (for those of you old enough to remember them) and I had slept on them all night. It's right what they say - no sense no feeling.

01 Nov 2003, 19:17	#23
Gez Knicker thief Join Date: 17.04.2003 Location: auch...not on the fence Posts: 5,633	Hic...........Yummy kebabs