Quotes of the day ....

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: While discussing plans for dinner.

What do you want to eat, apart from ME?


:lmao:

[belladonna-took]

fava beans and a nice chianti perhaps?

Ah, that's not what you meant...

[AndyK]

While talking about the number of bosses we've all had, one of my collagues commented ...

"I've lost count of the number of men I've had"

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Mum Loaf came out with a great one before while Easter Egg shopping for my nieces and nepheww.


Mum - So these Easter Eggs are four for £10?

Girl behind counter - Yes.And we'll ice any name on it free of charge.

Mum - Have you got any with Katie on it?


:lmao:

[djfierce]

Exclusive ticket packages coming soon, available only to Meat Loaf fan club members!


:lmao:

sorry couldnt resist ;)

[RadioMaster]

an uni mate in a rather unlucky try of reciting your national anthem:

"god shave the queen"

[The Flying Mouse]

"god shave the queen"


:twisted: That conjures up images that are just plain wrong :wtf:

[duke knooby]

[MeatGrl1] 00:13: I'll get it out in a minute

[Battybarb]

lol

[Battybarb]

:twisted: Mum Loaf came out with a great one before while Easter Egg shopping for my nieces and nepheww.


Mum - So these Easter Eggs are four for £10?

Girl behind counter - Yes.And we'll ice any name on it free of charge.

Mum - Have you got any with Katie on it?


:lmao:

Your poor mum,ah bless her

[Monstro]

:twisted: Mum Loaf came out with a great one before while Easter Egg shopping for my nieces and nepheww.


Mum - So these Easter Eggs are four for £10?

Girl behind counter - Yes.And we'll ice any name on it free of charge.

Mum - Have you got any with Katie on it?


:lmao:

When did Mummy Mouse change her name?

[The Flying Mouse]

When did Mummy Mouse change her name?

:twisted: She's got more bloody alias's than me these days :wtf:

Mummy Mouse, Mum Loaf etc etc.

[Battybarb]

Especialy since she was on prank tv lol

[sexyeyes_jo]

:twisted: She's got more bloody alias's than me these days :wtf:

Mummy Mouse, Mum Loaf etc etc.

lol so that makes my mum, mummy in law mouse :lol:

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: It does.

To recap.........

Mr Mouse

Mrs Mouse

Mummy Mouse

Daddy Mouse

Mummy in law Mouse

Oi you fat tw@ :p :mrgreen:

[sexyeyes_jo]

:lmao: thats about right

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Thought you'd like that one :mrgreen:

errrrr, we better quote someone here soon :bleh:

[Hypnobabe]

my mate Lynda this morning:

"Even if you're really tempted, don't smell a rotting snail."

[Hypnobabe]

Lynda's son Daniel last night:

"I'm really glad Claire's back from that stony place"

[Hypnobabe]

Lynda's nephew, on having walked into a discussion about sex education that his older sister was having with her dad, whereupon she had explained they'd been putting condoms on carrots:

"I understand what a condom is for, but where does the carrot fit in?" :lmao:

[Battybarb]

:(:twisted: It does.

To recap.........

Mr Mouse

Mrs Mouse

Mummy Mouse

Daddy Mouse

Mummy in law Mouse

Oi you fat tw@ :p :mrgreen:

Nice one Neil,love it,really do miss your sense of humour :(

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Well you better come and visit SOON :wink:

Mummy Mouse has got the spare room at her house on 24 hour notice alert for any time you wanna pop down :wink:

[mszee]

I just found this quote by Louis-Hector Berlioz that I thought was simply brilliant:

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils"

[RadioMaster]

Lynda's nephew, on having walked into a discussion about sex education that his older sister was having with her dad, whereupon she had explained they'd been putting condoms on carrots:

"I understand what a condom is for, but where does the carrot fit in?" :lmao:

lol

[RadioMaster]

I have a motivation-problem until I have a time-problem

liked that one

[Lord Kagan]

RJ says:
poke me

[samurai7]

and did you?

[Battybarb]

tut tut ..lol

[Rickmonster]

"Not to know what happened before one was born is always to be a child."

Cicero

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Conor is talking about how he's going to save his toys and give them to his kids.

Conor is 7 years old :wtf: :lmao:

[Battybarb]

Bless...

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Conor was telling me this morning about when he lived in his mummy's tummy for two years living off Kentucky Fried Chicken :wtf:

I pointed out that he only lived in his mummy's tummy for 9 months.

"Yes, but before that I was tadpoles" :faint:


NEVER, EVER, correct a child, it'll only get you in deeper :wtf: :shock: :nuts:

[Battybarb]

That is so funny..PMSL..you can always rely on a little one to tell the truth lol lol

[Rickmonster]

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness.

Mark Twain

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: *Content deleted*


Jo - take it off or i'll kill you


I don't think she liked the original content :lmao:

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Posted by a pal of mine (you've met Tony in Blackpool Jo :wink: ) on another forum.


Quite a few years ago they had auditions for "opportunity knocks"at the world famous london palladium !!!! and this bloke wrote in for an audition has a comedian,the big day arrived and he waited patiently in line till his name was called"john smith comedian number 287"and he nervously strode on the gigantic stage and just stood there looking around at the view from the stage when the producer called out"we are ready mr smith you can begin now"and mr smith replied"im not really a comedian,i just wanted to tell the grandchildren that ive been on stage at the london palladium !!!!"and with that he walked away :lol:

[mszee]

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Albert Einstein

[Deb]

You can fool some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: My nephew, Conor......

Meat Loaf is the king of music.


I taught the boy well 8)

[L96]

Recent birthday party, the birthday boy turning 7 blows out the candles on his cake and makes a wish...

"What did you wish for, Mitch?"

"I wished everybody would just go home".

[allrevvedup]

"I think this is going to be a decade where interest in sport will never have been higher."
Gordon Brown

He should also have added that this will be a decade that fuel prices will never be higher

[djfierce]

Recent birthday party, the birthday boy turning 7 blows out the candles on his cake and makes a wish...

"What did you wish for, Mitch?"

"I wished everybody would just go home".

lmao just gotta love kids, wear their hearts on their sleeves right beside the snot :lol:

[angelica]

:shock: Anji ... yuck!

LOL ... it's true though!

[Monstro]

Don't fall asleep on the sofa

[~Helen~]

Don't fall asleep on the sofa

Let me guess you did?

[Monstro]

nope, was a good boy me lol

[MeatGrl1]

:wtf: :lmao: :cool:.

[Battybarb]

My daughter was telling my 4 year old grandaughter off last night,when a little voice said " talk to the hand, the face aint listening",where do these kids get it from,i had to walk out the room,couldnt stop laughing,my daughter didnt find it funny...oops

[The Flying Mouse]

My daughter was telling my 4 year old grandaughter off last night,when a little voice said " talk to the hand, the face aint listening",where do these kids get it from,i had to walk out the room,couldnt stop laughing,my daughter didnt find it funny...oops

:twisted: When's the funeral Barb? :lmao:

[RadioMaster]

Todd Rundgren to Desmond Child on 'if god could talk':

"The only reason why youre using God's name is, because of the powerful nature of the dude. And quite obviously he can talk or do any other f*cking thing he wants."

Dont know why, but i thought this was extremely funny.

[allrevvedup]

Found this quote on a wrestling site

I have resolved to wake up an hour earlier each day so I can hate you just a little bit longer." -William Regal

[Lord Kagan]

Betty says:
youre not wee !!!!!!!

[Betty]

Betty says:
youre not wee !!!!!!!

Completely outta context, but it´s true. Betty said that lol

[Lord Kagan]

what context was it in betty lol?

[Betty]

Carl... says:
tut tut, youre too good at english, and picking up belfast english
Betty says:
lol
well I know who´s to blame!
Carl... says:
me? noooooooo im wee
Betty says:
youre not wee !!!!!!!


There you go :p!!!!!!!

[Lord Kagan]

you could have at least got my msn name right when you made that up :p

[Betty]

Help me think im somebody else... sagt:
tut tut, youre too good at english, and picking up belfast english
Betty sagt:
lol
well I know who´s to blame!
Help me think im somebody else... sagt:
me? noooooooo im wee
Betty sagt:
youre not wee !!!!!!!


Happy now?

[allrevvedup]

and the beat goes on

[Lord Kagan]

Help me think im somebody else... sagt:
tut tut, youre too good at english, and picking up belfast english
Betty sagt:
lol
well I know who´s to blame!
Help me think im somebody else... sagt:
me? noooooooo im wee
Betty sagt:
youre not wee !!!!!!!


Happy now?

nope you still made it all up :p

[Cathie]

Sandwich person: Would you like mayonaise?
Me: No, thanks, I'm allergic.
Sandwich person: Light mayonaise?
Me: Still allergic.

[Battybarb]

OMG...doh..lol

[The Flying Mouse]

You know the next time you call me an asshole, how about I stick my thumbs up your ass, pull your anus over your head, and leave you in the dark for the rest of your life?



:twisted: Someone annoyed me just a little bit :bleh: :oops:

[Cathie]

I hope they lost their sense of smell before they annoyed you Mousie...

:sneaky:

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: And invested in a torch :devil:

[Cathie]

You never know, maybe their hearing will develop to epic proportions...

...pity all they'll hear is the sound of the sea...

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: And perhaps the odd fog horn :lmao:

[Cathie]

The whole Bermuda Triangle thing is taking on a whole different meaning tonight...and a slightly sinister one too...

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: just come across this quote that gave me a grin :mrgreen:


“An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger."

--Dan Rather

[RadioMaster]

Bubbles:
Everyman has Keime

[allrevvedup]

Denis Leary:

"We live in a country where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest. Yoko Ono is standing right next to him. Not one F**king bullet. Explain that to me! Explain that to me!"

[AndyK]

Extract from a conversation yesterday

Them: "I was watching Airport on TV the other day and there was this plane on it with ... (longish pause) ... you know those big round things under it's wings ... "

Me: "The engines?"

Them: "Ohhh is that what they are?"

[daveake]

Extract from a conversation yesterday

Them: "I was watching Airport on TV the other day and there was this plane on it with ... (longish pause) ... you know those big round things under it's wings ... "

Me: "The engines?"

Them: "Ohhh is that what they are?"

:roll:

Didn't know you knew any Ryan Air pilots ...

Dave

[mszee]

"I have always wished that my computer would be as easy to use as my telephone. My wish has come true. I no longer know how to use my telephone"

Bjarne Stroustrup (inventor of programming language C++)

[~Helen~]

Two friends of mine...
Friend 1... I'm going to Australia
Friend 2... Oh you might see Harry - he's in Australia
Friend 1... How small do you think Australia is?
Friend 2... Well it's not as big as England is it...
...silence...

[~Helen~]

Same friend in conversation with me...

"I know you're allergic to tomatoes but can you eat ketchup?"

[MeatGrl1]

Bought an Elvis book today and was looking through it at the bus stop and the lady next to me asks;

Do you like Elvis?"

Erm no that's why I bought the book :lmao: !!

[RadioMaster]

meh

[allrevvedup]

I was talking to a customer yesterday about a complaint she wanted to make.

she'd purchased this download of an ebook and wasn't happy with the outcome, now with anything to do with ebooks we do not cover it because how do you judge whether someone has received a download or whether it does what it says.

Anyway the jist of her complaint went like this

"I bought the book (paraphrasing) "how to beat a parking fine", i went to court and lost the case and now i want my money back because the book didn't help me and it said result guaranteed"

I seriously tried not to laugh when i heard this

[mszee]

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
-Albert Einstein

[mszee]

We hired a new person - American male...

After we have received a phone call from our distribution center in SC, they claimed that they don't understand that new foreign female's accent...South rocks...

[mszee]

Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

[Hypnobabe]

The DJ on my local radio station this morning: "Coming up next, 'Big girls don't cry' - they do when their diets fail!"

[~Helen~]

Visitor (about age 16) to our office this morning... "I don't call 999 for an application form to join the Police do I?"

And later during the same conversation with one of the team managers, having been asked if he had any qualifications (after he asked how he could join the police) he said, "no, I got chucked out of school in year 10"....!

[mszee]

The problem with a rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat...

[SamCat]

Boris talking about why the new air conditioned tubes were needed

"Its gets quite clammy, lots of armpit action"!!

I love the clammy bit too 2 years ago they recorded tempertures of 47 degrees!!

[AndyK]

Boris talking about why the new air conditioned tubes were needed

"Its gets quite clammy, lots of armpit action"!!

I love the clammy bit too 2 years ago they recorded tempertures of 47 degrees!!

:lmao:

Regardless of if you agree with his policies or not, you have to admire Boris for getting so far in politics without being hung for what he comes out with!

[allrevvedup]

:lmao:

Regardless of if you agree with his policies or not, you have to admire Boris for getting so far in politics without being hung for what he comes out with!

give him time

[RadioMaster]

or a towel

[LucyK!]

Tutor: "does anyone have a pipette at home?"

One of the many group idiots: "no but I'm getting a fish on Wednesday"

[Wario]

"My aunt lost her leg in a boating accedent. NShe was so worried that with only one leg she wouldn't be able to provide for her family.

She now has a great job, erns extra pay, and has a brand new car.

You know where she works?

That's right ..... IHOP"

[Cathie]

Quote for the day:

'Whatever you give a woman, she is going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."

How very true lol. I adore this, where does it come from?

[mszee]

How very true lol. I adore this, where does it come from?

Not sure...it was sent to me by my friend in Canada...

[heat]

'Okay... it's your turn now'

Said by my tattooist, midway through my latest inking.

Novel thing, tattooing oneself.

[Deb]

Just two mins ago.......


Sam to Jamie: Tracey got married (Sam's friend)

Jamie to Sam: OMG did she have a wedding? :shock::roll::?

[AndyK]

Overheard in the IT Dept.

IT Engineer: It's a priority one call, all the seniro managers have been working on fixing it for a week now.

Person with problem: Are there any real engineers working on it?

[RadioMaster]

Today 17:57 daveake

Yes, but how can you get to the pizza when the fridge is full of elephants?

[snowy]

From one of my supposedly intelligent Year 8 pupils....

'they should make crime illegal so that the world is a safer place'

I had to stop teaching for 2 mins as a couldn't see for the tears of laughter.
I then had to explain to the pupil why both myself and a few of his fellow pupils were laughing!:lol:

[Hypnobabe]

My 5 year old son this morning on seeing a tree whose leaves had all fallen off:

"Look mummy, that tree's empty!"

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: On an e bay listing for a guitar.............


THIS GUITAR WAS BOUGHT FOR MYSELF BY MY WIFE WHO THOUGHT I WAS SUFFERING AN IDENTITY CRISIS AND WANTED TO BE NOEL GALLAGHER, UNBEKNOWN TO ME , IT'S ACTUALLY WELL HARD TO LEARN, KEPT SNAPPING THE STRINGS ,COULD'NT TUNE IT PROPERLY,ETC,ETC.(FINGER'S LIKE COW'S UDDERS DIDN'T HELP !) SO IM CURRENTLY EYING UP A NICE KAZOO INSTEAD!

HAPPY BIDDING, HOPE YOU HAVE A BETTER BASH AT IT THAN ME!


Gave me a chuckle that did :mrgreen: :lol:

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Again, from e bay.......


While checking the feedback for a seller who sells wedding dresses, I came along this happy shopper.


"am so happy with this dress, its absolutely gorgeous....will definately use again"


Not much confidence in her marrage lasting very long then? :lmao:

[Monstro]

:twisted: Again, from e bay.......


While checking the feedback for a seller who sells wedding dresses

Isn't it customary for the groom to wear a suit?

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: As long as it's green :mrgreen:

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted:

http://media.mlxxfc.net/gfc.jpg

HELL YEAH :mrgreen:

[JanT]

"A good workman never blames his tools, and boy have I worked with some tools"

[SamCat]

A van drove past today for a wine and spirits company called Planets of the Grapes!!

[Betty]

At the christmas do last night, my boss to another boss in reply to the question if there was some "special" relationship between me and my boss:

"She´s always against me, I always fight that and she´s always right!!"

Wise man :mrgreen:

[Caelan]

"Everytime a woman has breast reduction surgery...an angel loses it's wings.

Craig Ferguson.. late late show CBS..

[snowy]

From a pupil today......

'You don't look like a Meat Loaf fan - you're too respectable'

Little does he know!

[RadioMaster]

about Meat Loaf fans or about you being respectable? :lol:

[snowy]

Respectable - me?;)

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: My nephew came out with one that had my dad a bit speechless before :lol:

He was in the living room, and Trigger Happy TV was on the telly.
They did a sketch where they set this loud fanfare up for the millionth customer outside a sex shop.
Gag being that someone will try and make a quiet exit but will have a lot of noise and attention.Very embarasing, yadda yadda yadda.


Anyway, so Conor (8 years old) pipes up with question "What's a sex shop Grandad?"

While my dad's lost for words (and THAT'S a first) Conor follows up with his second question "is that where you go to buy sex?"

:lmao:

[Battybarb]

i would love to have seen your dads face..lol

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Jo - "Wait till tomorrow, i'll get you back you ~~~~~~"

[Battybarb]

now now children.......

[mszee]

Dan: Do you know somebody by the name of Mark Alexander? He requested to be my friend on Facebook...must be somebody from UK forum...:roll:

[Battybarb]

thats great Zina...lol

[mszee]

thats great Zina...lol

I am still waiting for...is Meat Loaf somebody from UK forum???

[Hypnobabe]

From a client yesterday:

"Monkeys ate my guavas... It might have been the local boys, but I think it was monkeys..."









I hasten to add she was talking about the guavas on her guava tree at her house in Malawi...

[samurai7]

I got sent a text today containing a limerick that I SWEAR I wrote, years back. Of course, no-one believes me. How utterly frustrating.
PS I can't post it here, it's not, er, 'family-friendly' :lol:

[LucyK!]

Patrick Swayze has denied his death...

[Hypnobabe]

"You are a little woolly angel, Claire"

i'm assured it's a compliment....

[duke knooby]

"There is so much music around now which is very well executed but it's soulless. It may be polished but it has no identity of its own".

DS jan 2005

[duke knooby]

oui: That's easy to say now, but how did you feel about all that rejection a couple of years ago?

MEAT LOAF: I felt basically the same.I just thought everybody was crazy I still do. Because even though I've sold ten million records, they still don't know how good a songwriter Jim Steinman is. They don't know that Steinman is probably the greatest songwriter in the last twenty years. Maybe in the next hundred years-nobody will even come close to him. That's the God's truth.

[duke knooby]

oui: Let's not be so modest. It's your singing, your delivery, that makes them special.


MEAT LOAF: Fine. That's great. But a singer is only as good as his band, an actor only as good as his script and the actors around him. You can't do anything by yourself Why is my name up there as top male singer in the Playboy poll, when Steinman isn't even listed with the writers? Where is that at? There isn't a writer on the list that can even come close to that man. What do you think we're dealing with here, Neil Diamond? This is Steinman - probably one of the greatest writers in this century. I'm not fooling. That goes for Dave Marsh, and whoever else thinks they're God in the rock-'n'-roll world-they're not. They're not; they're damn children. They're children. Excuse me, I'm mad.

[MeatGrl1]

Not really funny just bloody annoying... I had a bit of a sneezing fit at work and this customer asks.... "It's not swine flu is it?"

:shock: :faint: How rude !!!

Felt like saying, 'If it was and I had would I be working ?!"

But I didn't...

[Pudding]

Not really funny just bloody annoying... I had a bit of a sneezing fit at work and this customer asks.... "It's not swine flu is it?"

You should have asked her "Do I look like a pig?" to which you'd hope she'd give the correct answer :shock:

[AndyK]

Said to me very recently ...


You know we could rule the word, OHHHHHH!! I've got onion in my flip flop



Hmm, think I'll go for that world domination on my own thanks.

[AndyK]

Recent quotes ...


Someone: The curtain pole in the bedroom has fallen down
Me: Which one? (there are two)
Someone: The one by the window.



At a project presentation this morning ...


The Go-Live date is the data when nothing happens

[daveake]

Overheard by someone in Waitrose, where 3 girls were shoplifting very very blatantly. When caught by one of the staff, they reacted violently, hysterically shouting "Don't touch me" and "I won't be f~cking coming here again".

:lmao:

[Betty]

Me to a colleague: "Do you know from which country that is?"
Said colleague: "London!"

ummm... ok...

[daveake]

Me to a colleague: "Do you know from which country that is?"
Said colleague: "London!"

ummm... ok...

Reminds me of a similar conversation about France. Dumb-blond-secretary says "France? That's in Paris, innit?"

:roll:

[duke knooby]

songs by Duke Special :D

[allrevvedup]

One quote that's been repeated to me recently is "Falling is easy it's getting back up that becomes the problem"

Which is especially true when it concerns falling off a cliff

[~Helen~]

I was talking to a customer today who appeared to be slightly hard of hearing. The Government says we have to ask our customers who telephone us, for some equalities data - 'so we know who our customers are'. Anyway, I had gotten successfully through age, and nationality, and on to...

"Do you consider yourself to have a disability?"

"Married", the man replied.

[Hypnobabe]

Me: So Archie, what do you think of my new car?
Archie (6): It's the same as the old one. Except it's a different colour. And the inside is different. And it's smaller.

[mszee]

From Mr. Andy King:

Real life is for people who can't handle internet...

I personally thought this was a classic...lol

[allrevvedup]

I was talking to a customer today who appeared to be slightly hard of hearing. The Government says we have to ask our customers who telephone us, for some equalities data - 'so we know who our customers are'. Anyway, I had gotten successfully through age, and nationality, and on to...

"Do you consider yourself to have a disability?"

"Married", the man replied.

Nice!

[Sue K]

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~ Theodore Roosevelt ...

[mszee]

'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.
If you give her sperm, she'll create a life.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.'

[allrevvedup]

"It is an ironic habit of human beings to run faster when we have lost our way."


- Rollo May

[Sue K]

I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket ~ Lyndon B Johnson ...

[allrevvedup]

"All i ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy"

Spike Milligan

[Sue K]

Money doesn't always bring happiness. People with ten million dollars are no happier than people with nine million dollars. ~ Hobart Brown ...

[mszee]

Saw this on facebook and thought it's pretty good:

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Goons are not a very reliable source of information.

[Sue K]

... A racially integrated community is a chronological term timed from the entrance of the first black family to the exit of the last white family ... Saul Alinsky ...

lol ... i like that much ... lol ... and i'm happy to report i DO live in a racially integrated community ... imo ... beCAUSE... we haven't moved ... lol ...WE'S KEEPIN' IT REEEEAL !!! ... rolling ...

[snider22]

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

[Sue K]

In music one must think with the heart and feel with the brain. ~ George Szell

[melon]

Have courage when you're under fire - Kevin Sheedy

[Sue K]

If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs ? ... Marvin Kitman ...

lol ... that's funny ... lol ...

[snider22]

If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson

[Sue K]

We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us. ~Author Unknown

[CarylB]

Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength ~ Eric Hoffer

[snider22]

“There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.” - unknown

[Sue K]

"Being bullied by a serial bully is equivalent to being stalked or being battered by a partner or being abused as a child and should be accorded the same gravity." ~ Tim Field ...

[allrevvedup]

The best way to compile inaccurate information that no one wants is to make it up.

Scott Adams

[Sue K]

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length ~ Robert Frost ...

[melon]

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure - Unknown

[CarylB]

Men shrink less from offending one who inspires love than one who inspires fear ~ Machiavelli

[Evil One]

Men shrink less from seeing an attractive clothed lady than from a naked ugly one ~ Evil One 2010

[allrevvedup]

"My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one."
Groucho Marx

[daveake]

"I become more convinced that beings from other planets are using the Earth as a lunatic asylum" - George Bernard Shaw

[Sue K]

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough ~ Earl Wilson ...

[duke knooby]

in algebra, your first mistake is your last mistake! Trevor McKinney

[AndyK]

*sigh*

I rmember when this thread was about the stupid things people around you say on a daily basis :))

[Monstro]

I was thinking the same lol, have been a few classics over the years....

Latest from Casey at tea time the other day......

Mummy - Eat your carrots, they help you see in the dark

Smart arse - But mummy it's not dark

[Sue K]

*sigh*

I rmember when this thread was about the stupid things people around you say on a daily basis :))

ohhh... THAT'S what it's all about Alfie... hehehe...

okay ...

Save the Texas Prairie Chicken ... sentiment seen on button worn by Mike Nesmith circa 1967 ...

does that count even though he's not around me ? ... :? ...

[Sue K]

ohhh... THAT'S what it's all about Alfie... hehehe...

okay ...

Save the Texas Prairie Chicken ... sentiment seen on button worn by Mike Nesmith circa 1967 ...

does that count even though he's not around me ? ... :? ...

ohhh... i just went back to page 1 ... NOW i REALLY get it ... welp ... y'all will have to wait for someone in the household to wake ... i'm sure SOMEone beside myself in this house will say something stupid today ... ha ha haaa ...

btw ... this thread is unfair to someone housebound living alone ... ;) ... awww... cut me a break... i'm American... we can find reason to sue in anything ... :lol: ...

[AndyK]

I was thinking the same lol, have been a few classics over the years....



My source is learning to keep her mouth shut ;-)

[Monstro]

I was gonna mention +1 lol

[CarylB]

Out of deference to Andy's sensibilities, I'll offer something from my brother's mother-in-law who has a wonderful propensity for malapropisms and comments from way out of left field. After he had pateintly explained he was suffereing from vertigo .. her reply:
"Have you considered wearing a hat?"

And in deference to mine, because this is off topic and I enjoy all the published quotes that make me smile or give me pause for thought

Happiness is an inside job ~ Wm Arthur Ward

Caryl

[Sue K]

... may we do past quotes from those who were around us ? ...

a favorite of mine comes from my daughter at age about 2 ... her favorite book was this easy reading Bambi book ... i read it to her every evening before putting her down to bed... i read it so much she memorized it ... and the final two words "the end" she read as ...

"Be End" ~ tink's daughter as a two year old ...

and of course... it would be... ;) ...

[melon]

I'm happy, but not content. To stop improving is to stop living - me ;)

[Sue K]

... oh... we may quote ourselves ? ... oh... lol ... then ...

... don't take any wooden pickles ~ tink ... :D ...

[melon]

... oh... we may quote ourselves ? ... oh...

I don't know if it counts, but I just did.

[Sue K]

... keep it up and i'll rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody end ... tink's mom ...

the visual in my mind stopped me in my tracks... but i laugh my butt off at it today ... lol ...

but then of course... she's dead and beyond ripping off ANY body parts... rolling ...

[AndyK]

:lmao:

You can quote who you want, it's not like it's a criminal offence ;-) I was merely bemoaning the recent lack of real life quotes that originated from people we may know.

[Sue K]

... where are the oars that go with those boats ? ~ tink's dad ... when he'd spot that someone in the house had left their shoes in the middle of the livingroom floor ...

[Hypnobabe]

My quote of the day?

"If you leave your quiche lying around willy nilly, tramps will eat it!"

You know who you are!!!!

[allrevvedup]

If all the world hated you and believed you wicked, while your own conscience approved of you and absolved you from guilt, you would not be without friends.

Charlotte Bronte

[Sue K]

... hey... i thought it was said it should be quotes from people about us we hear... ie ... the woman tonight on the bus home into her hanging on her boobies gizmo phone ...

"Hello ?! ..."... long pause ... "Hello??!!"... long pause ... "Hello???!!!" ... over and over and over again like some muthaFree parrot gone mad !!! ...

learn to use it... or loose it sistah ! ...

[allrevvedup]

Music is the key to the female heart.
Johann G. Seume

[Sue K]

"hmmm ... hmmm ... hmmm... hmmm... WAIT... WHAT WHAT WHAT ???? WHY ?? WHAT'S GOING ON ??! "... tink co-worker ...

[mszee]

The only bad thing about music is that you can't eat it...

forgot the first name but it was somebody by the last name of Almond...easy to remember...lol

[CarylB]

He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.

Lewis Carroll

[Monstro]

I'm weighing up how much trouble I'd be in if I posted Benny's comment at the signing

[mszee]

I'm weighing up how much trouble I'd be in if I posted Benny's comment at the signing

You're already in trouble...being a mod...so just shoot...

[Ankie]

... een halve maan is niks als je de volle kent....



Says as much as:
....half moon means nothing when you know the full one....

[AndyK]

I'm weighing up how much trouble I'd be in if I posted Benny's comment at the signing

:lmao:

Thanks for the reminder! Quote of the year that one!

[The Flying Mouse]

:lmao:

Thanks for the reminder! Quote of the year that one!

:twisted: Post it then :p

[Sue K]

... "Verizon said to take your computer off the DSL line ..." ... tink co-worker when it was reported to him the fax machine was not working ... as he had used a splice to connect fax and tink's computer to same phone line ...

[allrevvedup]

As per my facebook status today:

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Noel Coward

[newcat1811]

My favoured from a customer who, when asked for the last five digits of his credit card number (to identify a charge) replied in a very snappish way:
"My credit card number does not have five last digits. It's only got four".
[...]

[R.]

Someone who shall remain unnamed asked me today:
Hey, if the battery charger is plugged in, but the netbook isn't running - does the battery still get charged? :facepalm:

[daveake]

Someone who shall remain unnamed asked me today:
:facepalm:

Probably related to the person that complained to me that her mouse was broken because everytime she moved it up, the mouse pointer moved down, and everytime she moved it left the pointer moved right ...

[mszee]

Last 3 quotes are priceles...thanks...

[allrevvedup]

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Mark Twain

[CarylB]

He who does not feel his friends to be the world to him and deserve his loyalty, does not deserve that the world should hear of him

[Sue K]

... my mother-in-law accidently threw out phone number for company from which she order's ciggies... when asked where she could again get number ... mnl goes lost into space and replies... "i KNOW it's a 1-800 number" ...

ummm ... which of them aren't ? ... good loaf !!

[MeatGrl1]

At the HCTB signing a few Monday's ago;

ME: Hi Meat, I'm Meatgrl1 on the forum.

{Meat extends his arm out to me and I take his hand, he shakes it}

MEAT: Hi Meatgirl1 nice to meet you, I'm Fire Ball !!

:lmao: !!!!
Classic !!!

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: You've never heard of Anadin?
What kind of hypercondriact are you?

[duke knooby]

not really what this thread is for

but it seemed bloody appropriate to me

from cavaliers.co.uk about a dogs life span

Remember that our dogs are with us for only a short span compared to our lifetime and we should consider every day precious. And when the end of their life is near and the quality of life is no longer there, consider their needs over ours and allow them to go in dignity and with the minimum of pain. It is the most important act we can perform for our years of friendship.

the full text is here..
http://www.cavaliers.co.uk/articles/adogslifespan.htm

[Hypnobabe]

My mate yesterday:
"She's making a mountain out of a molehill!"
Me:
"And what's worse is that it's your molehill!"
My mate:
"That's right!! Get off my molehill!!!"

[melon]

Let them go, its natural selection! - Wil Anderson on "Moron's" flocking to a beach to watch a sunami wave hit

[Sue K]

... "do you know what I feel like doing right now ? ... Something I haven't done in years ... " ... tink's motherInLaw in the grocer's yesterday ... making tink nervous as heck !! ...

[allrevvedup]

My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing. - Emo Phillips

[Sue K]

... "why do you always say "what ??!!!" ... I LIKE looking at you " ... tink's husband... speaking to lucky tink ... ;) ...

[mszee]

From the President of the Board of Directors quoted here verbatim:

"We're asking you not to planet any of your planets in the bed..."

We think it means: We're asking you not to plant any of your own plants in the flower bed by your house...

[Sue K]

... "Molly come here... I can't throw that far" ... tink to her pup who tink is SURE is going senile ...

[melon]

"Meat Loaf has successfully made the leap from totally bitchin' rock star to totally bitchin' actor, so it's a bit of a surprise that he's in talks to appear on the next cycle of Celebrity Apprentice. But it's Meat Loaf, man. He can do whatever he wants to and it's still cool." [NY Post] Found on TV.com

[Sue K]

"Koontz ?... is that Dean Koontz you're reading ? ... oh my ... he writes VERY scary stories... brrr... ***little laugh ***" ... a lady at the bus stop to tink ... and the reason i mention it ... i thought i was the only person in my area of the world who read... let alone even knew who Dean Koontz is !!! ... it's not a Dean Koontz sort of part of town !

[Hypnobabe]

Tink, i'm not convinced i'd put Koontz in the list of people who write very scary stories anyway!!

[Sue K]

Tink, i'm not convinced i'd put Koontz in the list of people who write very scary stories anyway!!

maybe not always for me either... but this one is pretty creepy ! ... or it could just be the floaters in my eye making me think that "something" is sneaking up on me... hehe ...

[Monstro]

From Anji.....

I'm trying hard to get through the MJ film This Is It.....

Me - God this needs to get better

Anji - Want me to tell you the ending?

[The Flying Mouse]

From Anji.....

I'm trying hard to get through the MJ film This Is It.....

Me - God this needs to get better

Anji - Want me to tell you the ending?

:twisted: You two are in trouble :lmao:

[AndyK]

From Anji.....

I'm trying hard to get through the MJ film This Is It.....

Me - God this needs to get better

Anji - Want me to tell you the ending?

POTW!

[Wario]

My Butt Smells Like Ass

[24K]

From Anji.....

I'm trying hard to get through the MJ film This Is It.....

Me - God this needs to get better

Anji - Want me to tell you the ending?

Absolute classic ! PMPL !

[Betty]

Dear Italians, French, Brits and Argentinians! Your flight home will be delayed because we are still waiting for our Spanish passengers!!!

:twisted:

[Monstro]

Dear Italians, French, Brits and Argentinians! Your flight home will be delayed because we are still waiting for our Spanish passengers!!!

:twisted:

Should've put your towels on those Spanish seats lol

[daveake]

Dear Italians, French, Brits and Argentinians! Your flight home will be delayed because we are still waiting for our Spanish passengers!!!

:twisted:

You should take more notice of the octopus :lmao:

[Hypnobabe]

My mate Ali: "I can't get my sling on, my pants are in the way!!"

[daveake]

From this article about a game of footie on a motorway (http://redirectingat.com/?id=1044X509854&xs=1&url=http%3A%2F%2Fnews.sky.com%2Fskynews%2FHome%2FUK-News%2FTraffic-Chaos-On-M60-Bored-Commuters-Play-Motorway-Football-In-Greater-Manchester%2FArticle%2F201007215661952%3Flpos%3DUK_News_Second_UK_News _Article_Teaser_Region_0%26lid%3DARTICLE_15661952_Traffic_Chaos_On_M60 %3A_Bored_Commuters_Play_Motorway_Football_In_Greater_Manchester&sref=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.pistonheads.com%2Fgassing%2Ftopic.asp%3Fh%3D0%26 f%3D210%26t%3D875907%26mid%3D48745%26nmt%3DJumpers%2520for%2520goal%25 20posts)

"There were about ten blokes having a game of five-a-side."

:lmao:

[allrevvedup]

I have a feeling that all New Yorkers, no matter what they’re doing, are in their own TV series with their own theme music, and you are merely a guest on their show, - Sting

Very true indeed

[samurai7]

A somewhat ditzy friend of mine at the bank today was asked for her house number. When she replied "32", the cashier laughed and said "your house PHONE number."

[melon]

I didn't fall over, I attacked the ground!

[Hypnobabe]

I didn't fall over, I attacked the ground!

I'll have to remember that one for my mate!!

[~Helen~]

A somewhat ditzy friend of mine at the bank today was asked for her house number. When she replied "32", the cashier laughed and said "your house PHONE number."

I experience something similar to this regularly over the telephone at work. Conversations such as ...
ME - "And what's your phone number?"
CUSTOMER - "OL6 ... "
Always takes me a moment to realise what they've just started telling me!

[Monstro]

reminds me of Billy Connelly, "did you fall over?, no, I've a bar of chocolate in my back pocket and I'm trying to break it!

[mszee]

I made that barricade my b*tch!!!!

Pink after her harness broke today and she fell on the metal barricade...I admire that spirit!

[Monstro]

Pink after her harness broke today and she fell on the metal barricade...I admire that spirit!

Was the fact she was tweeting in the ambulance on the way to hospital that did it for me lol

[Monstro]

Pink, 10,000 people saw her stunt go wrong and her mike was still on......

"~~~~ that hurt"

[AndyK]

At a silver wedding anniversary party this weekend

My brother's broither-in-law "Which country is Andy's Girlfriend from? She looks exotic"

My Neice "She's not exotic she's from the NE"

:lmao:

[mszee]

Was the fact she was tweeting in the ambulance on the way to hospital that did it for me lol

Ain't it something???

[LucyK!]

At a silver wedding anniversary party this weekend

My brother's broither-in-law "Which country is Andy's Girlfriend from? She looks exotic"

My Neice "She's not exotic she's from the NE"

:lmao:

Still trying to work out why this is so funny...!

[mszee]

Still trying to work out why this is so funny...!

It's not...you're definitely exotic...if I didn't know you...I would place you somewhere...ummm...maybe England?? ;)

[Wario]

my butt smells like ass

[stretch37]

God is an American.

[Evil One]

my butt smells like ass
Makes a change from it smelling like ~~~~ I guess. :shrug:

[allrevvedup]

There's no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.
- Brendan Behan

[The Flying Mouse]

:twisted: Me and Jo took my mum to town for the afternoon on Tuesday to get her out and about after being in the hopital.
Went to Burger King for our dinner.

Mummy Mouse (to girl at the till) "The Ocean Catch, is that sea food?"

Her sarcastic git of a son -"no it's chicken.It's nautical chicken".

The devil made me do it :devil: :lmao:

[mszee]

On owner's information sheet:

Emergency contact - such and such - girlfriend...crossed out and written in a different handwriting in block letters...FIANCE...

[Sue K]

tink's boss to her on her absences of late:

"i'm seeing your emails saying you'll be out ... are you okay ? ... if it's a case of you only want to work for the medical benefit... i'll work with you... but i'm concerned... you don't have cancer... do you ?" ...

geez no ... but thanks for putting the joaner on me ... :shock: ...

[Wario]

"Hand Jobs are a synonym for Blue Collared Workers." - My Local Comic Book Dealer

[daveake]

... synonym ...

Finally, Wario gets himself a spell checker ;-)

'cos I can't believe you managed that one unaided ...

[wolfy35]

Bit my tongue for as long as I could but I can take it no more

Here are a couple of genuine pearls of wisdom from the worlds favourite presidential comedian, G W Bush

I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here

Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we

[Sue K]

Bit my tongue for as long as I could but I can take it no more

Here are a couple of genuine pearls of wisdom from the worlds favourite presidential comedian, G W Bush

I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here

Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we

gawwwwwd ... i so don't miss him ... and neither does he ... ;) ...

lol ...

[snider22]

I want pancakes! God, do you people understand every language except English? Yo quiero pancakes! Donnez moi pancakes! Click click bloody click pancakes!
-Stewie Griffin

[Couch Potato]

My G/f said the other day in the supermarket 'Dont look now but look who's over
What was I supposed to do

And for me, the quote of the year, My Gran saying that some 'teens where smoking quiffs on the back of the bus'

[Hypnobabe]

From my residential summer school:

Sam went all the way and came back with free jugs!!!!