Hazardous Materials Report

Chris · 23 Mar 2004, 14:14

C.O.S.H.H. REGULATIONS 1988

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET

CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

Substance : Woman
Symbol : W02
Discoverer : Adam
Atomic Mass : Accepted as 55 Kg, but there are known isotopes ranging from 45 Kg to 225 Kg
Occurrence : Large quantities in urban areas, with traces found in most other areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES

1. Surface normally covered in powder and paint film (thickness variable according to age)

2. Aromatic odour.

3. Boils at nothing, freezes for no apparent reason.

4. Melts if given appropriate treatment.

5. Yields if pressure applied in the correct manner, explodes if stressed excessively.

6. Bitter if used incorrectly, may become sour with age, can sometimes be sweetened up.

7. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin material to common ore, pure specimens are relatively uncommon..

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES

1. Great affinity to Gold (Au), Silver (Ag), Platinum (Pt) and all precious stones.

2. Capable of absorbing great quantities of expensive substances.

3. Liable to explode spontaneously, without warning or reason.

4. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.

5. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water.

6. Insoluble in liquids, but greatly increased activity when saturated in alcohol.

7. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES

1. Highly ornamental - especially in sports cars.

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.

TESTS

1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when discovered in the natural state.

2. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen.

HAZARDS

1. Highly volatile and dangerous except in experienced hands (highly dangerous in inexperienced hands)

2. Delicate handling required.

3. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen (great care must be taken when handling multiple specimens).

4. May begin to swell if suitable handling precautions are not taken.

CONTAMINATION PROCEDURE

1. If contaminated, the services of a skilled lawyer must be sought.

Rob The Badger · 23 Mar 2004, 17:23

I get it.

KebLou · 23 Mar 2004, 17:38

Funny in a way, amazing the report was done the year I was born.

Gez · 23 Mar 2004, 19:51

I'm not a scientist and knew most of that Chris

black dog · 23 Mar 2004, 22:29

I don't think many people would argue with that report.

23 Mar 2004, 14:14	#1
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Hazardous Materials Report C.O.S.H.H. REGULATIONS 1988 HAZARDOUS MATERIALS DATA SHEET CHEMICAL ANALYSIS Substance : Woman Symbol : W02 Discoverer : Adam Atomic Mass : Accepted as 55 Kg, but there are known isotopes ranging from 45 Kg to 225 Kg Occurrence : Large quantities in urban areas, with traces found in most other areas PHYSICAL PROPERTIES 1. Surface normally covered in powder and paint film (thickness variable according to age) 2. Aromatic odour. 3. Boils at nothing, freezes for no apparent reason. 4. Melts if given appropriate treatment. 5. Yields if pressure applied in the correct manner, explodes if stressed excessively. 6. Bitter if used incorrectly, may become sour with age, can sometimes be sweetened up. 7. Found in various grades, ranging from virgin material to common ore, pure specimens are relatively uncommon.. CHEMICAL PROPERTIES 1. Great affinity to Gold (Au), Silver (Ag), Platinum (Pt) and all precious stones. 2. Capable of absorbing great quantities of expensive substances. 3. Liable to explode spontaneously, without warning or reason. 4. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male. 5. Softens and takes on a rosy glow when soaked in hot water. 6. Insoluble in liquids, but greatly increased activity when saturated in alcohol. 7. The most powerful money reducing agent known to man. COMMON USES 1. Highly ornamental - especially in sports cars. 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation. TESTS 1. Pure specimens turn bright pink when discovered in the natural state. 2. Turns green when placed alongside a superior specimen. HAZARDS 1. Highly volatile and dangerous except in experienced hands (highly dangerous in inexperienced hands) 2. Delicate handling required. 3. Illegal to possess more than one permanent specimen (great care must be taken when handling multiple specimens). 4. May begin to swell if suitable handling precautions are not taken. CONTAMINATION PROCEDURE 1. If contaminated, the services of a skilled lawyer must be sought.

23 Mar 2004, 17:23	#2
Rob The Badger Too sexy for this post Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 2,895	I get it.

23 Mar 2004, 17:38	#3
KebLou Mega Loafer Join Date: 02.03.2004 Location: The Arena of the Unwell Posts: 3,177	Funny in a way, amazing the report was done the year I was born.

23 Mar 2004, 19:51	#4
Gez Knicker thief Join Date: 17.04.2003 Location: auch...not on the fence Posts: 5,633	I'm not a scientist and knew most of that Chris

23 Mar 2004, 22:29	#5
black dog Mega Loafer Join Date: 21.11.2003 Location: Cornwall Posts: 1,667	I don't think many people would argue with that report.