The Road To Enlightenment - The Teachings Of Zen

heat · 03 Nov 2003, 01:08

Follow these sage words of wisdom and you won't go far wrong...

1. Do not walk behind me, for i may not lead. Do not walk in front of me, for i may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just F**K off and leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hour is just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbours milk, then now's the best time.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplacible. If you're not irriplacible, then you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think that nobody cares if you are alive or dead, then try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in thier shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have thier shoes.

11. If at first you don't suceed, then skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone £20, and you never see them again, it was probably a good investment.

14. Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield.

15. Don't worry - it only seems kinky the first time.

16. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.

17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

18. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

19. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

22. Experience is something you don't get untill just after you need it.

heat · 03 Nov 2003, 01:09

My personal faves are number 15 and 20....

CarolM · 03 Nov 2003, 01:53

Heat, you got them right i agree.

shadow1000001 · 03 Nov 2003, 07:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by heat

My personal faves are number 15 and 20....

You and Mrs. Mouse are absolutely right

evil nickname · 03 Nov 2003, 10:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by heat

19. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

This is so true...

ROSIE · 03 Nov 2003, 14:40

So so true I didn't know you had met my inlaws!!!!

Rosie

shadow1000001 · 03 Nov 2003, 19:05

Quote:

Originally Posted by ROSIE

So so true I didn't know you had met my inlaws!!!!

Rosie

Cute Rosie

Kitty Kat · 03 Nov 2003, 20:25

I have one to add - the difference between erotic and kinky.
Erotic is using a feather - kinky is using the whole chicken

Bigmomma · 03 Nov 2003, 20:38

Heat, you are so right, i love it!

where do you get them from! :P

Cathie · 03 Nov 2003, 21:43

This has really made my day heat!

shadow1000001 · 04 Nov 2003, 08:56

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitty Kat

I have one to add - the difference between erotic and kinky.
Erotic is using a feather - kinky is using the whole chicken

So true Kitty Kat, so true

original sin · 07 Nov 2003, 20:59

took this into work - definately cheered everyone up - thanks

CarylB · 08 Nov 2003, 20:38

"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs .. then perhaps you don't know what's really going on ..."

ROSIE · 08 Nov 2003, 20:59

well I have n't got a clue what is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rosie

Tim · 08 Nov 2003, 23:48

Very funny ones.

Hope more Zen rules will come soon Heat.

Chris · 09 Nov 2003, 15:08

Always remember - He that laughs last, did not get the joke!

03 Nov 2003, 01:08	#1
heat Rampant Loafer... Join Date: 29.07.2002 Location: welshy wales Posts: 5,706	The Road To Enlightenment - The Teachings Of Zen Follow these sage words of wisdom and you won't go far wrong... 1. Do not walk behind me, for i may not lead. Do not walk in front of me, for i may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just F**K off and leave me alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre. 3. The darkest hour is just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbours milk, then now's the best time. 4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any. 5. Don't be irreplacible. If you're not irriplacible, then you can't be promoted. 6. No one is listening until you fart. 7. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. If you think that nobody cares if you are alive or dead, then try missing a couple of mortgage payments. 10. Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in thier shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have thier shoes. 11. If at first you don't suceed, then skydiving is not for you. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. 13. If you lend someone £20, and you never see them again, it was probably a good investment. 14. Some days you are the bug. Some days you are the windshield. 15. Don't worry - it only seems kinky the first time. 16. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement. 17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. 18. A closed mouth gathers no foot. 19. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together. 20. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. 21. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. 22. Experience is something you don't get untill just after you need it.

03 Nov 2003, 01:09	#2
heat Rampant Loafer... Join Date: 29.07.2002 Location: welshy wales Posts: 5,706	My personal faves are number 15 and 20....

03 Nov 2003, 01:53	#3
CarolM Mega Loafer Join Date: 15.06.2003 Location: Near The End Of The Line Posts: 1,498	Heat, you got them right i agree.

03 Nov 2003, 14:40	#6
ROSIE Invisible again! Join Date: 30.06.2003 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1,240	So so true I didn't know you had met my inlaws!!!! Rosie

03 Nov 2003, 20:25	#8
Kitty Kat Senior Loafer Join Date: 03.09.2003 Location: West Yorkshire, UK Posts: 198	I have one to add - the difference between erotic and kinky. Erotic is using a feather - kinky is using the whole chicken

03 Nov 2003, 20:38	#9
Bigmomma Super Loafer Join Date: 07.07.2003 Location: Somewhere in time in my mind......... Posts: 655	Heat, you are so right, i love it! where do you get them from! :P

03 Nov 2003, 21:43	#10
Cathie Sweet But Sadistic Join Date: 18.06.2003 Location: Lincolnshire/Essex depending on the time of year! Posts: 4,098	This has really made my day heat!

07 Nov 2003, 20:59	#12
original sin Sinner Join Date: 15.04.2003 Location: cyber space Posts: 2,457	took this into work - definately cheered everyone up - thanks

08 Nov 2003, 20:38	#13
CarylB Mega Loafer Join Date: 16.04.2003 Location: Sheffield UK Posts: 5,910	"If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs .. then perhaps you don't know what's really going on ..."

08 Nov 2003, 20:59	#14
ROSIE Invisible again! Join Date: 30.06.2003 Location: Suffolk Posts: 1,240	well I have n't got a clue what is going on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rosie

08 Nov 2003, 23:48	#15
Tim The Butcher Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Westervoort, The Netherlands Posts: 10,321	Very funny ones. Hope more Zen rules will come soon Heat.

09 Nov 2003, 15:08	#16
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Always remember - He that laughs last, did not get the joke!