Accident reports

Chris · 09 Jun 2003, 20:29

When you have an accidnet in you vehicle, you have to fill in an accident report which is your chance to say what happened. Like these people did:

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole

I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up,
obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car

I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle

As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making
me unable to avoid the accident

I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him

I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth

I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car

I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished

A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face

I pulled out of a drive and into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.

[/b]

Asha · 09 Jun 2003, 20:57

Chris wrote:

Quote:

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him

The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him

Both done with intent I gather?!

Oh, I could hardly read the last few, because of the tears in my eyes, Tears because of laughing

Asha

Testify · 10 Jun 2003, 14:55

Well thats brightend up my day!! thanx

**The Flying Mouse** · 10 Jun 2003, 15:48

Thanks Chris

.
I've read some of these before but they always make me laugh

Chris · 10 Jun 2003, 21:19

They are best when they are done by Jasper Carrott.

On a related note, when i was learning to dirve i ran over a motorcyclist!!! He was in the right hand lane and turned left, jumping a red light into a buses and taxis only lane whcih was obstructed by me!!!

He sped off but not before I had got his registration number. My insurance company contacted him and he said on his report that he did nothign liek that and it was all my fault etc etc.

We took great dlegith in pointing out that we had 2 witnesses: A police constable and his Inspector!!!

Kat · 13 Jun 2003, 01:53

Hahaha funny as....words my mummy says I shouldn't say!

When I was on my driving test I got pulled over by the cops and asked what the hurry was...then he realised I was on my test at the time and let me go. I still mantain that the sign say 60 not 30 and that I should have been given extra marks for pulling over nice and (kinda) saftley when I saw the flashing blue lights!!!

I passed second time round though

Testify · 13 Jun 2003, 11:27

well done Kat.

This lady reversed into my dads car at some traffic lights, cos they suddenly went red and took the paint off with her tow bar. my dad wasnt v plzd!!

heat · 13 Jun 2003, 16:18

Hafta tell you guys this one

My brother in law works in quite a rural area - his office is across the road from a cattle market. One day this bull escaped from the cattle market, and there were all these farmer running round trying to catch this bull. My BIL was stood at the window of his office, watching all this with amusement when suddenly he realised that the bull was veering towards his office. The farmers were closing in on the bull, and the bull was walking up and down by the office window, the farmers were getting closer to the bull, when suddenly the bull ran round in a big circle and jumped straight through the office window!!!!!!

My brother in law was mortified...he ran into the stationary cupboard and locked himself in there till the bull was caught!!!

£3,500 worth of damage - i would so loved to have seen what he wrote on the insurance form.....

Chris · 13 Jun 2003, 20:45

Did anyone see in the papers last week about the bull that escaped from the farmers market? It ran amok in a shopping parade before being caught in a shop.

And what shop would you expect to find a bull in?

Thats right, an antiques shop selling china!!!

Testify · 13 Jun 2003, 20:55

09 Jun 2003, 20:29	#1
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Accident reports When you have an accidnet in you vehicle, you have to fill in an accident report which is your chance to say what happened. Like these people did: Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intent I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle As I approached the intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before, making me unable to avoid the accident I told the police I was not injured, but upon removing my hair, I found that I had a fractured skull I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth I was thrown from my car as it left the road, and was later found in a ditch by some stray cows A pedestrian hit me and went under my car I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face I pulled out of a drive and into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early. [/b]

10 Jun 2003, 14:55	#3
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	Well thats brightend up my day!! thanx

10 Jun 2003, 15:48	#4
The Flying Mouse Armed ba$tard and Jo's other half. Join Date: 06.08.2002 Location: In the middle of nowhere near the end of the line. Posts: 16,104	Thanks Chris . I've read some of these before but they always make me laugh

10 Jun 2003, 21:19	#5
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	They are best when they are done by Jasper Carrott. On a related note, when i was learning to dirve i ran over a motorcyclist!!! He was in the right hand lane and turned left, jumping a red light into a buses and taxis only lane whcih was obstructed by me!!! He sped off but not before I had got his registration number. My insurance company contacted him and he said on his report that he did nothign liek that and it was all my fault etc etc. We took great dlegith in pointing out that we had 2 witnesses: A police constable and his Inspector!!!

13 Jun 2003, 01:53	#6
Kat Senior Loafer Join Date: 28.04.2003 Location: Somerset, UK Posts: 148	Hahaha funny as....words my mummy says I shouldn't say! When I was on my driving test I got pulled over by the cops and asked what the hurry was...then he realised I was on my test at the time and let me go. I still mantain that the sign say 60 not 30 and that I should have been given extra marks for pulling over nice and (kinda) saftley when I saw the flashing blue lights!!! I passed second time round though

13 Jun 2003, 11:27	#7
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	well done Kat. This lady reversed into my dads car at some traffic lights, cos they suddenly went red and took the paint off with her tow bar. my dad wasnt v plzd!!

13 Jun 2003, 16:18	#8
heat Rampant Loafer... Join Date: 29.07.2002 Location: welshy wales Posts: 5,706	Hafta tell you guys this one My brother in law works in quite a rural area - his office is across the road from a cattle market. One day this bull escaped from the cattle market, and there were all these farmer running round trying to catch this bull. My BIL was stood at the window of his office, watching all this with amusement when suddenly he realised that the bull was veering towards his office. The farmers were closing in on the bull, and the bull was walking up and down by the office window, the farmers were getting closer to the bull, when suddenly the bull ran round in a big circle and jumped straight through the office window!!!!!! My brother in law was mortified...he ran into the stationary cupboard and locked himself in there till the bull was caught!!! £3,500 worth of damage - i would so loved to have seen what he wrote on the insurance form.....

13 Jun 2003, 20:45	#9
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Did anyone see in the papers last week about the bull that escaped from the farmers market? It ran amok in a shopping parade before being caught in a shop. And what shop would you expect to find a bull in? Thats right, an antiques shop selling china!!!

13 Jun 2003, 20:55	#10
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023