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#1 |
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Super Loafer
![]() Join Date: 06.02.2003
Location: Deceased
Posts: 761
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Animal Tale #1
Cat Bathing As A Martial Art Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like new, improved Cheer detergent - dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away. I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the contrary, the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace. The time comes, however, when a person must face reality: when she must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez." When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:
You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better. (Source Unknown) Have a purrrfect day! Love, MB xxx |
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#2 |
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Mega Loafer
![]() Join Date: 05.05.2003
Location:
Posts: 1,356
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Very funny MB,
but I'm so lucky... I have two cats and yes, they actually love the bathtub.... You may not belive this but they do! But good strategic advise for anyone who does have cats, needs to bath them and they DON'T like the water... Nice one.. Asha |
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#3 |
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Rampant Loafer...
![]() Join Date: 29.07.2002
Location: welshy wales
Posts: 5,706
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Good Advice
We used to keep Abbersynnian Swimming cats Heat xxx |
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#4 |
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Arrrgh!
![]() Join Date: 01.03.2003
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Posts: 2,938
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Good stuff MB
Sounds nasty Heat My cat won't go near a bath but has jumped in the shower a few times |
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#5 |
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Mega Loafer
![]() Join Date: 14.04.2002
Location:
Posts: 7,527
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As well as bathing cats, it is important to know how to give them their medication. For htis reason,t he following information may be of use:HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL
1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty." Drop pill into its mouth. 2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa. 3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger. 4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.) 5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well. 6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair. 7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry. 8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops! 9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos. 10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor. 11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant. 12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge. 13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.) 14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man-or woman. 15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon. 16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done. 17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours). 18. Take two aspirins and lie down. |
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#6 |
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ragamuffin
![]() Join Date: 21.05.2003
Location: xxx daydreaming xxx
Posts: 5,023
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i dont have a cat so im ok, but i do have a golden retriever, now you would think that she would like water but no!! she has to be difficult!! its a nightmare!! she just shakes and shakes!! i have to wear goggles cos i get shampoo in my eyes
then she doesnt even want to know us for the next week or so! she will only come to us for food!! typical!! |
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#7 |
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Super Loafer
![]() Join Date: 06.02.2003
Location: Deceased
Posts: 761
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Chris! Funny stuff! I LOVE THIS!!
After reading about giving cats a pill, I'm even more grateful for having dogs, like Testify!! And Jen, Heat and Asha, you guys are LUCKY to have CATS that don't mind water! Just like your Golden Retriever, Testify, I have 5 dogs here who absolutely HATE it!! The rainy season is a LOT of fun at our house, trying to convince the two larger dogs to go outside to do their 'business.' One of them 'held it' for 36 solid hours once because she refused to go outside in the rain!!! I couldn't believe it!! Why don't they ALWAYS have that kind of control!! Thankfully, the three little ones are boxed trained and we don't have to fight with them about this! They don't have to go out. But then...bath time is another story! The minute we put them into even the tiniest amount of water, their little feet are paddling away--they're swimming and panicking! Even an inch of water and they're paddling like crazy!! Please, give your all pets a big hug from me! I do LOVE animals, as you can tell!! Hope you all had a great Saturday!! Love to everyone, MB xxx |
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#8 | |
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The Bat
![]() Join Date: 23.03.2003
Location: Roosting on a Silver-Black Phantom Bike.
Posts: 10,017
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#9 |
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Mega Loafer
![]() Join Date: 14.04.2002
Location:
Posts: 7,527
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With the best will in the world, my cat is as thick as two short planks!!!
About 18 months ago, we had to take her to the vets suffering from concussion. We had a wodden door removed and replaced witha glass one. She didn't realise it was still solid and knocked herself out trying to run through ti! Also, she likes to sleep on the toilet cistern as it is in front of a window so gets nice and warm. One sunday afternoon, she was asleep there and I started the power drill ont eh other side of the wall. She jumped with fright at the noise and a rather soggy cat had to be retrieved from the toilet bowl!!! She is currently draped across my shoulders pretending to be asleep. She has her eye on the cup of tea next to me for if she thinks i am not looking!! Havign said all that, she is the best cat in the world and despite being old (18 years) and ahving no ears (Skin cancer - white cats are prone to this) and suffering from rather excessive wind and generally being the Ozzy Osbourne of the cat world (will eat or drink anything and is generally dopey) I wouldn't change her for anything!! |
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#10 |
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ragamuffin
![]() Join Date: 21.05.2003
Location: xxx daydreaming xxx
Posts: 5,023
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my dogs ok takin tablets, we either hide it in her food or open her mouth and give it to her, shez so gentle, i cant believe how she takes her cod liver oil tho!! she chews it!! ewwww....
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#11 |
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queen post- whore extraordinaire
![]() Join Date: 29.01.2003
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Posts: 13,181
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I've got 3 cats, Chrissy, Lady (Laddie really he/she's a transvestite long story) and Zeus they all like to join me in my corner bath well not actually in it but walk around till they get dizzy
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#12 |
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queen post- whore extraordinaire
![]() Join Date: 29.01.2003
Location:
Posts: 13,181
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A Christmas Carol for Cats - maybe if you start training now it'll be able to sing it to you Christmas morning
Away from All Danger - Sing to:- Away in a Manger Away from all danger not covered at all There's sitting a turkey I'm hoping to maul There's nobody looking, my fate I will seal And don't you be thinking that guilt I will feel Now I am so clever I am a good thief I have to choose quickly 'tween turkey and beef A fish in a bright dish or cream I will lick And eat it all quickly until I am sick I know its forbidden, I know it's the truth To eat on the table is really uncouth But this is so tempting I don't really care And blame the soft humans for leaving it there |
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#13 |
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Super Loafer
![]() Join Date: 07.07.2003
Location: Somewhere in time in my mind.........
Posts: 655
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Thankyou so much for these funny stories,and for the early carol dottie.
we dont have cats either just two spaniels, who the same as retrievers are supposed to like water, but sulk every time you give them a bath. and then the minute they go out after the bath, they find the dirtiest thing they can roll in. They then look at you with a gloating look as much as to say, now whos the boss?... kezzzina |
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#14 |
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Super Loafer
![]() Join Date: 09.07.2003
Location: In the clouds
Posts: 649
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Great stories and carol guys.
I myself don't have cats but my sister does. She has four. I had to look after them for a couple of months. And I had to worm them during that time. Four unwilling cats, two pills each and me. It took a lot of effort. They like getting themselves in trouble to. One has fallen in the bath, one in the toilet, the same cat got his head stuck in a forgotten cat food tin ( he was alright though and all four of them together can't stand up to one ginger tabby! But I still love them even though they're not mine. |
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#15 |
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Senior Loafer
![]() Join Date: 18.07.2003
Location: Plymouth, Devon
Posts: 199
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I used to have a black cat called Maxey. He was huge, more like the size of a Jack Russell. He went missing overnight, we searched and called but nothing, in the morning when my neighbour let her rabbit out to play in the garden, Maxey crawled out of the rabbit hutch. He had spent the night with the rabbit!!
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#16 |
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Rookie
Join Date: 14.09.2003
Location: Bottom of the Garden
Posts: 20
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that is so cute , but you try taking a dog for a walk that is
in season, and suddenly all the dogs in the area are your friend... pixie |
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#17 |
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Invisible again!
![]() Join Date: 30.06.2003
Location:
Posts: 1,240
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I used to have a cat called Trigger
Rosie |
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#18 |
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Super Loafer
![]() Join Date: 07.07.2003
Location: Somewhere in time in my mind.........
Posts: 655
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still no news Rosie?
there is allways hope my mum was telling me about our suki a siamese she used to have, a neighbour kept trying to lure it away. so she didnt find it for a few weeks then it sneaked out and came home. just dont loose hope. kezzina |
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#19 | |
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queen post- whore extraordinaire
![]() Join Date: 29.01.2003
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Posts: 13,181
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#20 |
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Mega Loafer
![]() Join Date: 10.07.2003
Location:
Posts: 2,580
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I have 2 cats, Shadow and Midnight. They definately have different personalities but that is what makes them special.
Rosie, Your cat will come home soon Maria |
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