A PC christmas joke

rick · 17 Nov 2005, 12:22

Quote:

Ho ho ho!
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2005
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company
Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional
carols...please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up
dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00p.m.. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only
for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our jEwish employees. We recognise Hanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who are not ChrIstians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.

FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA
Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!
How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.

Pauline.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2005
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Musl1m holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Musl1m employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets, G@ys are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbi@ns do not have to sit with g@y men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the g@y men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross-dress - no cross-dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used
in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first.. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2005
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian pr*cks I've had it with you people !!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic
tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings too, They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing
the scream right NOW!!

I hope you all have a rotten holiday, drink drive and die.

The B*tch from HR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources
Director
DATE: 9th November 2005
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday party and instead give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.

only a joke but so near to the truth!!!!

amethyst · 17 Nov 2005, 12:43

Love it

ames xx

Skeleton · 17 Nov 2005, 17:12

That was wonderful.. Thanks..

Leah · 17 Nov 2005, 19:09

Chris · 17 Nov 2005, 20:36

A very good joke.

but

I had just adapted that to the forums for my blog updates for the week running up to Xmas with a special celebrity guest lined up to make the final post the day after I go on holiday!!!! I need a new idea!!!

shadow1000001 · 18 Nov 2005, 04:24

That sounds like where I work

17 Nov 2005, 12:43	#2
amethyst I know that i'll be bad for good. Join Date: 15.11.2003 Location: South UK Posts: 893	Love it ames xx

17 Nov 2005, 17:12	#3
Skeleton Mega Loafer Join Date: 13.10.2003 Location: Grinning, Ducking & Running Posts: 3,668	That was wonderful.. Thanks..

17 Nov 2005, 19:09	#4
Leah Mega Loafer Join Date: 03.04.2005 Location: Cleethorpes, North East coast of England Posts: 1,510

17 Nov 2005, 20:36	#5
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	A very good joke. but I had just adapted that to the forums for my blog updates for the week running up to Xmas with a special celebrity guest lined up to make the final post the day after I go on holiday!!!! I need a new idea!!!

18 Nov 2005, 04:24	#6
shadow1000001 Mega Loafer Join Date: 10.07.2003 Location: Red Deer, Alberta, Canada Posts: 2,580	That sounds like where I work