Puns

[Ageing Bat]

Here's a few to get you started........ any more, anyone?


A good pun is its own reword.
Durracell bunny arrested - charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Is a pessimists blood type always B-negative?
My friend makes pottery, but to me its just kiln time.
Dijon Vu - the same mustard as before.

Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today - she rubbed me up the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
Shotgun Wedding - A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I couldn't hack it so they gave me the chop.

If electricity comes from electrons...does morality come from morons?
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.

Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is a triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.

Without geometry, life would be pointless.
When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

[tukayaway]

Here's one for the football fans:

A fire broke out at Chelseas ground, completely destroying the trophy cabinet. The Police think it's Arsene.