Stuff to ponder about ...

R. · 30 May 2003, 21:33

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

mariella · 30 May 2003, 22:30

Thank you R.! Being a vegetarian, this sure gives me something to think about

Don't know about the sour creme either.

Well actually, I can't answer ANY of these 'questions'!

I LOVE this

Mariella

original sin · 31 May 2003, 00:27

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

After two days of motorway driving this is soooooooo true it can't be funny! however as for the rest

sherrie87 · 31 May 2003, 05:36

R. wrote:

Quote:

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

I love this one! I live near a major international tourist destination (Clearwater Beach Florida, USA) and it's a VERY appropriate question. As the locally popular bumper sticker says: "Welcome to Florida! Now please get back in your car and go the h*ll home!" No seriously....we love the tourists- they keep us from having to pay state income tax!

Sherrie

Shane · 31 May 2003, 05:54

Quote:

Originally Posted by R.

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Or animal biscuits! LOL!

heat · 31 May 2003, 11:33

LMAO

God, i missed you, R

Heat
xxx

Ben · 31 May 2003, 11:48

Quote:

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

aint that the truth!

Jen · 31 May 2003, 15:45

Great

Asha · 31 May 2003, 16:26

Great one, R.

I'm having stomach cramps here, laughing so hard.....

Asha

Chris · 31 May 2003, 21:45

Some more

why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

What would a chair look like if our knees bent the other way?

If a tree falls over in the woods and no one is there to see or hear it, do all the other trees point and laugh?

If a man says something and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?

Why do women go through the pain of plucking their eyebrows and then get a pencil and draw them back on?

Are sacked electricians Delighted?

Who first discovered that you could get milk froma cow? and what the h*ll was he doing at the time?

[/list]

**The Flying Mouse** · 02 Jun 2003, 14:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

Who first discovered that you could get milk froma cow? and what the h*ll was he doing at the time?

How about tobacco?
How's daft idea was it to stick a bunch of leaves in his mouth and set fire to them

Bren · 02 Jun 2003, 14:38

personally i liked the
..."would a fly without wings be called a walk.."

it's just so silly it appealsto my sense of humour

Testify · 02 Jun 2003, 19:54

v funny, u do come out with some funny stuff!!

Chris · 02 Jun 2003, 20:30

One that I have been pondering about today:

When a woman is mad with you, is there a right answer??

Testify · 02 Jun 2003, 20:35

looks like R has nowt else to do either!!

joke!!

mariella · 02 Jun 2003, 20:58

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

One that I have been pondering about today:

When a woman is mad with you, is there a right answer??

Not really Chris! You are right, I was WRONG might be your best option in this situation. But then again even this may be the wrong thing to say if she is still really mad..

Mariella

Testify · 02 Jun 2003, 21:00

hmmmm lets see, you could try flowers, or a simple im sorry. nope that wont work erm lets see what does my dad do?? oh ok give her your credit card!!

Chris · 02 Jun 2003, 21:36

Flowers - Failed
Chocolates - Failed (admittedly they were the weird box that i have had on my shelves for a while and couldn't sell)
Saying sorry - Got a glare!!!!

To stay on topic:

What does geronimo say if he jumps from an aeroplane?

original sin · 02 Jun 2003, 23:26

Two buring questions
1- where are all the lost keys???
2- where are all the odd socks???

someone answer this and i'll rest easier

Jen · 03 Jun 2003, 01:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris

What does geronimo say if he jumps from an aeroplane?

S**t forgot the parachute... well you never know, he might

Asha · 03 Jun 2003, 01:20

original sin wrote:

Quote:

1- where are all the lost keys???

Where you left them last

Asha

30 May 2003, 21:33	#1
R. You dig. Join Date: 02.04.2002 Location: On the fothermucker Posts: 7,179	Stuff to ponder about ... Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor..... Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman: "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. What if there were no hypothetical questions? If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Would a fly without wings be called a walk? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs? What was the best thing before sliced bread? One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? How is it possible to have a civil war? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too? If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it? Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented? Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

31 May 2003, 21:45	#10
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Some more why is a carrot more orange than an orange? What would a chair look like if our knees bent the other way? If a tree falls over in the woods and no one is there to see or hear it, do all the other trees point and laugh? If a man says something and no woman hears him, is he still wrong? Why do women go through the pain of plucking their eyebrows and then get a pencil and draw them back on? Are sacked electricians Delighted? Who first discovered that you could get milk froma cow? and what the h*ll was he doing at the time? [/list]

30 May 2003, 22:30	#2
mariella Mega Loafer Join Date: 04.02.2003 Location: Holland Posts: 4,063	Thank you R.! Being a vegetarian, this sure gives me something to think about Don't know about the sour creme either. Well actually, I can't answer ANY of these 'questions'! I LOVE this Mariella

31 May 2003, 00:27	#3
original sin Sinner Join Date: 15.04.2003 Location: cyber space Posts: 2,457	Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? After two days of motorway driving this is soooooooo true it can't be funny! however as for the rest

31 May 2003, 11:33	#6
heat Rampant Loafer... Join Date: 29.07.2002 Location: welshy wales Posts: 5,706	LMAO God, i missed you, R Heat xxx

31 May 2003, 15:45	#8
Jen Arrrgh! Join Date: 01.03.2003 Location: Edinburgh Posts: 2,938	Great

31 May 2003, 16:26	#9
Asha Mega Loafer Join Date: 05.05.2003 Location: Somewhere out there Posts: 1,356	Great one, R. I'm having stomach cramps here, laughing so hard..... Asha

02 Jun 2003, 14:38	#12
Bren The Bat Join Date: 23.03.2003 Location: Roosting on a Silver-Black Phantom Bike. Posts: 10,017	personally i liked the ..."would a fly without wings be called a walk.." it's just so silly it appealsto my sense of humour

02 Jun 2003, 19:54	#13
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	v funny, u do come out with some funny stuff!!

02 Jun 2003, 20:30	#14
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	One that I have been pondering about today: When a woman is mad with you, is there a right answer??

02 Jun 2003, 20:35	#15
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	looks like R has nowt else to do either!! joke!!

02 Jun 2003, 21:00	#17
Testify ragamuffin Join Date: 21.05.2003 Location: xxx daydreaming xxx Posts: 5,023	hmmmm lets see, you could try flowers, or a simple im sorry. nope that wont work erm lets see what does my dad do?? oh ok give her your credit card!!

02 Jun 2003, 21:36	#18
Chris Mega Loafer Join Date: 14.04.2002 Location: Somewhere in the real world. Posts: 7,527	Flowers - Failed Chocolates - Failed (admittedly they were the weird box that i have had on my shelves for a while and couldn't sell) Saying sorry - Got a glare!!!! To stay on topic: What does geronimo say if he jumps from an aeroplane?

02 Jun 2003, 23:26	#19
original sin Sinner Join Date: 15.04.2003 Location: cyber space Posts: 2,457	Two buring questions 1- where are all the lost keys??? 2- where are all the odd socks??? someone answer this and i'll rest easier