Things not to say to a police officer ...
 

Here, you can finish this beer for me ... I've got five more! :p

So what that I was driving with a speed limit of 90 MPH...YOU were driving much faster!!!

What? Speed limit of 50mph?
Yeah sure, for each passenger! And I´ve got two of them!

Can I hold your gun while you're writing up that ticket?

I'm BTK

Why do you want me to blow into the bag - are your chips too hot!!!!????

Does your head go all the way to the top of that hat???

Is that your truncheon or are you just pleased to see me?????

Is it a real emergency or are you late for your tea break???

There is a certain forum member sitting over there *points* who will confirm that when detained in the capital, the best thing to say might not be a rousing rendition of "Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner"

Can I buy you a donut??? *wink wink*

So now I know who put the cont in constable

are you a fireman?

Of course I don't know what speed I was doing. How can I watch the road and the speedo when I'm this drunk?

I'm drunk?! Thank f*ck for that - I thought my steering was knackered!

My wife fell out of the car 2 miles ago? Thank goodness...I thought I went deaf!!!

Oink

can i just finish this call:cool:

Of course i don't know how fast i was going. The needle stops at 130.

Oi mate, just remember my taxes pay your salary.

And that hooker I met at the AIDS clinic said you were a nice guy.

That uniform makes your ass look really big.

Do you smell pig shite?

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Do u fancy a race?:shock:

due to nature of work can't comment but know a few crazy ones

Too bad then...

You just try to give me a ticket! Hell, I don't even have a license. Now who's dumb?

Oops...this is the fake one...sorry...here...this is the real one...

My ex ran off with a policeman, and when I saw you chasing me with your blue light flashing, I thought you were bringing her back.

2 Big Mac, french fries and large coke, please :))

Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation...

Damn... why did you have to stop me? I was just about to break my fastest ever time...

I wasn't offering you money as a police woman...I honestly thought you were a prostitute...

Oh, shut the f'ck up!

So...my bumper sticker says...Kill the pigs!!!

So?

I am a farmer...

Oh come on, get a real uniform and then talk to me again!

I have some HOT goods in the trunk...wanna some??? *wink* *wink*

:twisted: Yeah? Your mother.

come up to the lab, and see what's on the slab :eyebrows:

oink!

:twisted: Badges?

We don't need no steenking badges.


(this must be said in a very bad Mexican accent :wink: )

Do I have any fruits or vegetables?

I don't know.

Is cocaine a fruit or a vegetable?

hey, arent you the guy I saw at the crack dealer last night?

Of course I was speeding, you idiot. My license was revoked, I'm on parole, and I've got 10 pounds of heroin in the wheel well!

what? could you repeat that? I'm so f'cking high I didnt understand you...

:twisted: SCREW THE LAW, AND SCREW YOU TOO.

I shot the sheriff

oh f'ck, could you please hide my weed?

That's my dope, buy your own!!!!

how much would I have to pay if I'd call you a ****ing ****er?

:twisted: I PAY YOUR WAGES DAMNIT :bicker:

Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

I'm not as thunk as you drink I am nociffer... :?

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

What do you mean the speed limit is in kilometers??? :shock:

Listen you jumped up Muppet, get a real job and leave us poor folk alone!!!!!!

If you want to take this further you jobsworth idiot my name is Andy King and I live at............

OH this is funny...I can't wait to see you two interracting in real life...

Wow, You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand

We're drinking together May 12th, could be an interesting evening lol

Sorry I won't be there...would love to be a fly on the wall...well, 23rd is another day, eh?

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Assuming of course that you are met at the railway station you haven't told me you're arriving at yet ...

Oh don't tell me you're still going to meet him after all this abuse he heaped on you in the last few days??? :shock:

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

No, once I know which station he's arriving at he'll be using this thread as reference when he's arrested :lmao:

:lmao:

Oh god, I can't wait to see you again and meet Michael...that should be great!!!

Do you smell Bacon?

What speeding? I was trying out for NASCAR!

What do you mean you can't arrest the muppets that organised the fan club presale????????????????????

is that a gun in ur pocket or r u just happy to see me