Smash Hits Magazine: December 1984

[R.]

Meat Loaf's guided tour of Christmas in America:
"Smash Hits" magazine, December, 1984:"Christmas in America, right? People have certain
images of America, and at Christmas time I think all of those images are
true!

"I've had Christmas in America in a lot of different places -
Detroit, Chicago, Los Angeles, Washington DC, Miami - and it varies quite
a bit from place to place. Like in Miami, for example, they have very old
Christmas decorations and they're all bad Italian. In Miami it's like
plastic Mediterranean Christmas decorations, OK? Now DC is very ethnic.
You see, the population of Washington DC is I'd say about 80 per cent
black and Christmas here is pork chops, baked ham, black-eyed peas, baked
beans and new Cadillacs with bubble roofs and fur-lined seats and racoon
antennas. That's what people get for Christmas in DC.

"Now, ready for LA? Los Angeles is like the commercial element of
Christmas, right? LA, as opposed to Miami, spends a fortune on Christmas
decorations. If you go down Hollywood Boulevard or Sunset - especially
Hollywood Boulevard - it's lit up like ... I mean, the electricity bill
for it has got to be a million pounds a week. "They call it Tinsel
Town and at Christmas, it's really tinsel. If you go to Beverley Hills,
everybody spends thousands and thousands of dollars to do their trees and
their houses. I've seen huge mansions in LA where the whole house is done
in all these Christmas lights. They don't do them in various colours -
they do it all one colour, like all blue or red or all white. Now, the
producer of "Dynasty", Aaron Spelling, because it doesn't snow
in LA at Christmas, he brings in a snow machine and covers his entire
front yard and back yard and his entire house in snow. It's real snow too.
It doesn't last very long, but it's real. "Now also in LA, they're
very big on aluminium Christmas trees with red flocking or blue flocking -
anything to get away from a real tree. Real trees are out in LA. They
don't use real trees. LA is style, man. You gotta walk a certain way, you
gotta wear certain shoes, you gotta dress a certain way. That's LA. I'm
not putting it down - it's just what they do.

Then you go to Detroit, okay? Detroit - you don't move at Christmas,
because it's too cold. You don't do nothin' in Detroit. You don't do
nothin' in Chicago. If you go out at Christmas in Chicago you freeze
instantly. You just sit there and you hope that Santa Claus comes, 'cos
it's real cold. They don't have any problems with real snow.

"Now then, Christmas in New York. It generally snows, like two days
before and by the time Christmas comes, it's all melted. What you have in
New York then is huge puddles of water in the street with all this dirty,
filthy snow on the ground. They have the Macey's Christmas Day parade with
all the big floats and everything - it's cool.

"Now Christmas in America is also football. You eat your dinner and
you sit in front of the television for the next eight hours watching
football games. You watch college, you watch pro. Every station there's a
football game. Now in New York they have the parades and they have
football, but the place shuts down from the 23rd December. The industry
shuts down there and nothing happens from, say, December 23 to January 3
and so everybody gives everybody a lot of liquor, mostly Champagne. And
egg nog - they make a lot of egg nog.

"Now then, Christmas at my house. It's in Westport, Connecticut (it
was at that time, Diane). We get a real tree, a big one, and we put
all different coloured lights on it. We put old thread spools on it - we
got a lot of home-made stuff. We have a real country Christmas. And no
tinsel. We can't have any tinsel on the tree 'cos the baby eats it.

"Then we get the kids to bed early. The girls leave out a glass of
milk and six cookies for Santa Claus. They're Vienna fingers, and Santa
Claus eats every one of them! Oh sorry, they don't leave out milk - Santa
Claus gets Diet Coke. Sometimes Diet Coke, sometimes Dr. Pepper, and with
the six Vienna fingers, Santa has a good time.

"Then Santa comes and he puts together all these toys which takes him
most of the night because he's a mechanical failure, from what I
understand about Santa Claus. All of them have about 30 million parts and
Santa gets this blood on the carpet when he's done. It's a very
rock'n'roll sort of Christmas. It looks like Ozzy Osbourne's been there
when Santa Claus is finished with this stuff.

"Then morning comes VERY early. The family get up, go downstairs in
their pyjamas. Dad then gets out his video camera and tapes the rest of
the day. Then I direct Christmas, because I like to direct things. I
direct how they open packages - I get angles on it. I tell 'em they can't
open it that way. Now the baby says 'Dad, no! I'M opening this' and rips
it open. I get no help from the kids in my direction. "And that's
what I say about Christmas in America."

So, there you have it - Meat's whistle-stop
Christmas sleigh-ride around America. I guess there are many traditional
aspects of the festive season which are fairly similar in America and the
UK except for ..... (dramatic pause) ......THE CHRISTMAS CAKE! Now why do
our American cousins think our beloved fruitcake is such a joke? Christmas
just wouldn't be Christmas without that beautiful, rich, brandy (plenty of
it!) soaked fruitcake covered in thick marzipan and finished in white
icing, don't you think? Looks great on the table and tastes even better.
Alas, even my American sister-in-law can't be converted! Ah well, time I
think to go and sprinkle a little more brandy over my cake before I
decorate it for the big day. Wishing you all a very happy Christmas (with
or without the cake!) and a safe, prosperous New Year.

Diane

Ermmmm sorry to interject here Diane, but
Christmas cake? Yuck!!!!!! - Anne (the one Brit who has for years baked
and decorated Christmas cakes for all and sundry and never ever let one
morsel pass her lips, I repeat yuck!!!! Traditional Lincolnshire Plum
Bread, now that's a different story, a lighter fruit cake, baked as a loaf
[of the non Meat variety] sliced and spread with butter and accompanied by
the occasional wedge of cheese hmmmmm.)