Our little Poets...

[Bren]

That is very much reflected in your poetry Eyeore. We all go through bad times, sad times, confusing times, part of life...it's good that you can write about your feelings in your poetry.
I find in times of great emotion or stress writing my feelings in to a poem helps me to sort out how i feel about a situation.
Perhaps you will find that too.
Hope better times are ahead for you Eyeore


Bren

[Bren]

Eyeore,
this is one i wrote once when feeling without hope.
I was watching a kestrel in flight when i wrote it ...in the poem the kestrel is also a person..the two are interwoven

Kestrel

High above,
beyond my insanity
you soar and hover
free as the air
that holds you.
Mocking my imprisonment.

A memory
a re-occurring thought
you come and go
through the infinite rivers
of my mind.

A vision
bringing me hope
yet also self-destruction
with each new appearance.

A voice
that remains silent
yet forever teaches me

how hopeless
my situation is

in reality.


In freedom

You wander the
winds loneliness, while i

remain still
an open mind
through which you fly.

Inside me
your appearance stirs
from my restless mind
new thoughts on life.

Old memories
now grow faint.
Your appearance, broke the
mirrors, that once reflected
my past life.

Now i
see only you
and shut out Life's
realities, except those truths
that i see
through your eyes.

Bren

[Rob The Badger]

The naysayers are lying in their graves
As the spirit raves and dances
Through my very veins

The stars are made of silver
The sky's an epic dreamscape
With colours and creams
And all sorts of things

The mountains are full to the brim
With beauty and love and all things red
My head's alive with this thing I've found
I'll never, ever,
Never ever
Fall to the ground again

The twilight, orange town
Will never get me down
I'm drunk on light
I'm stoned on sound;
And the eccstatic grandeur
Of heavens guitar
Sings soft lullaby's
To a weary traveller's ear. . .

It's never going to rain
As long as I'm sane
No, no it's never gonna rain
again!

Sure!

[Rob The Badger]

Justv edited last post to a full poem and this one's (*shock, gasp! :o *) notdepressing! Anyway, I like it. But hey, I'm slighlty biased.(Only slightly mind .

[Bren]

Ilike it too Eyeore, like it a lot

Bren

[Bren]

just a simple Autumn poem this time

Early Autumn

Set light to the world
watch it burn itself out
in Autumn spleandour.
Fruit is ripening
touched by the unseen hand
that lit the fire of Autumn
now sweeping through this land.
First flames flicker through the Elm tops
scarlet poppies burn down the golden corn
fire-flame, beauty blazing
a future death, not yet born.

Bren

[Rob The Badger]

Good Lord. Bren your stuff really is the best.

[Bren]

Why thankyou Eyeore very kind of you to say so


Bren

[Rob The Badger]

You're welcome.

[RSG]

I know, I'm 16, and I am not the best writer in the world. But I had some cool thoughts and images in my head, so I thought I'd share it. Please feel free to give me some CONSTRUCTIVE criticim. This is my first song so please, don't be to hard on me. :P
Its a little long

Victom Of Reality

Everyday we come to face to face with reality.
Reality is life. It just happens.
There is just no questioning its ways.
Reality can be good and amazing. But for
some of us it can be horrible, scary or bad.

I feel like a victom of reality. When
everything seems to go okay,
something crashes down.- With such
a force- a force that causes
my cloudy eyes to pour out rain.
The rain poors on me, and I
run for shelter someone to call to
but even if I'm under a roof, the rain
of reality still poors on me, there's just
no escaping it!

Its spinning around me in circles.It feels like
being in the eye of a tornado.
Illusions of my fears inside it.
Circling around me, I keep my eyes
on it focusing between the fears,
looking for some good moment to crawl
out too. Above me is endless red
sky in height. Below my feet is
a rock, about to break.
With lava all around it. I can't move anywhere.
Its a wonder why the stone
hasn't broke. Sweat is pouring down
my face, and is crawling down my body.
There seems to be no way out, and my skin is
very hot. Right in front of me drops
a rope, and something heavenly, softly told me to grab it.
I grabbed a hold of the rope and I pulled with all my arm
strength. Slowly I proceed up the rope
I climb and climb knowing reality is
trying to pull me down.I am starting to see brown
pointed mountains miles away,
surrounding the hole I was in. The
red sky made it looked like hell to
be almost at the top. Another 20
feet and I will be there and everything
will be right again. And from the
red sky, what feels like acid rain poors down my sore
arms crawling down pushing my sweat
aside. Thunder crashes, and the rope begins to sway.
I slowly blink once and hope that
when I reopened them the scene would
change. I opened my eyes and as I face
up towards the rope. The rope gains so much tension
it snaps, and as the two pieces separate, I could
have sworn I seen terror's eyes looking at me. The rope above
just slightly moves . I throw the rope
I was holding on to and as I fall with my arms
open wide, my ears go deaf and all I can see
is my body quickly falling. Falling towards the bottom of
where I once stood.

I feel like a victom of reality. When
everything seems to go okay,
something crashes down.- With such
a force- a force that causes
my cloudy eyes pour out rain.
The rain poors on me, and I
run for shelter someone to call to,
but even if I'm under a roof, the rain
of reality still poors on me, there's just
no escaping it! I run from all the bad times.
As it chases me from behind! I go and see
a good time, but it always turns out wrong in
the end. It only happens to me, I just can't take it.
This life of mine Will never be right.
Its not getting better,
and its surely getting worse.
My life flashes by me.
good moments become wrongs!

(SOLO)

And they sung to me!!!

<Believe in your days, and don't fear them.
It will turn out good, if you ignore them.
Believe in what we say, because its true.
Just play the song, that special song, the
one that makes you feel. The one that makes
you feel like everything's okay, and that (CHOIR)
you believe. The heart and soul, put into
the beat, from the voice, that makes you feel.
That life is full, of ups and downs.
And for you right now, your elevators' going down.
But it will soon go up. And it may go down again,
but always remember, it will always end up, going up!>

<fast>

Life threw me a bike, and I'm crusing it down my path.
A path of ups, and no downs. Everything is great, wind
blowing through my hair. A grin on my face. And on
this sunny roadway off to the side. There's a young
girl my age, who wants a ride on my motorbike.
I said, "Sure why not, hop on and we can go for a ride
where abouts you going!" She said, "Take me where your
going, I want to leave here. My life here is boring and
life is tearing me down." I said I'd take her with me,
I could sure use the company. I'll make your life better,
and at the same time I'll be going to change my life.
Reality threw me pain, of tears, and years of scare.
Well now, I don't care. Because where I'm going will be
better. I'm leaving this town,
to find some better times.

(normal)
Cause it ain't getting any
better here. Oh no, it ain't
getting better here!
No its not!
oh, no its not.
Getting...better...here.

Getting better here.

(Well if you got this far, please give me any comments, or adjustments on what I could do in future songs, or what I could fix on this one. Thanks.

[heat]

Here's a poem that i've been working on for a while. Hope you like it.


Feeling like nothing,
Feeling alone.
It's not what i wanted,
No more than you.
But you don't care about me,
All you care for is you.
You you you you.
You have your shoulder.
My pillow will do.

[Bren]

Hello RSG,It's good to see you posting here, good that you are writing your thoughts and ideas down. If this is your first effort...i'd say you did a good job

Bren

[Bren]

Hi Heat ,
nice to have you posting here, i like your poem, but it's sad.

Bren

[Rob The Badger]

*Ahem*
*The music critic steps up to the plate*
Right RSG, I'm going to giv you my opinion of your song lyric. As Bren said, for a first effort it is commendable, but you asked for criticism so heree we go.

First of all, I think it's a little too long. I think you could be more succinct in what you say. However, if you want to keep the lenght, try re-working the structure as it seems a tad overbearing at times.
I'm a little worried about the style, but seeing as this is your first lyric, you have a while to work on it. I feel you're trying to insert poetic images in a non-poetic context.

E.G.

"I feel like a victim of reality. When
everything seems to go okay,
something crashes down.- With such
a force- a force that causes
my cloudy eyes to pour out rain. "

The last image doesn't seem to fit the context of the previous lines. If you see what I mean. I think the removal of the word 'cloudy' would suffice to make that line better. Again, just my opinion.
Your style does show promise, especially as a lyric, but I think you're overreaching yourself in terms of what you want to acheive.
I assume you want a big bombastic rock song here. The lyric doesn't fit this from what I see. Also, returning to the issue of length, I feel that a long rock song needs a lyric a little more solid than this.
Don't worry, it took years for me to develop a lyrical style that I can honestly call my own, but here's a tip. Start by borrowing the styles and lines of other people who's lyrics/poetry you like (only for practice, wouldn't want you getting sued now) and eventually, your own style will emerge, better imagery will come to your mind and you'll write better lyrics. Hell, I started using this technigue, and my lyrical style isn't perfect, but I think it's improving, and so will yours, over time.
Hope this was in some way helpful to you.

Heat, I really like your poem too, very nice, simple, sweet. Reminds me of my stuff. . . dunno why maybe my style ain't that varied.
But seriously, it's very good.

[heat]

Originally Posted by Eyeore

Heat, I really like your poem too, very nice, simple, sweet. Reminds me of my stuff. . . dunno why maybe my style ain't that varied.
But seriously, it's very good.

Thank you Eyeore, Bren too.

I'm a little nervous about posting some of my poems on here as you are both at such a high standard, it's a little daunting

[Rob The Badger]

Don't worry Heat, we're here because we like to write and read poetry (lyrics, whatever) and we want to share this with others. The more the merrier!

[Bren]

Originally Posted by Eyeore

Don't worry Heat, we're here because we like to write and read poetry (lyrics, whatever) and we want to share this with others. The more the merrier!

Couldn't have put it better myself Eyeore...the more people that post here , the more variety and different styles, the better
Keep writing and posting them Heat, ...i would like to see that

Bren

[Rob The Badger]

In the midnight hour
I can see you through the haze
Of memories and stardust

You're standing in the alley
The dirty filthy alley
Holding a bag of Jelly Babies
And my hand. . .

The air sweeps my face
Your hair brushes my cheek
And so I turn. . .
And your there

I find myself staring
Into the most beautiful eyes
That I've ever, ever seen
And they're staring right back at mine

If the walls start closing in
Well I don't care
It really doesn't matter
My jacket and arm
Is all the protection
You'll ever need

[RSG]

Thank You Very Very Much. I will be sure take all your advice. This is my first effort, so thank you for your comments, greatly appreciated. :P

[Rob The Badger]

That's what we're here for RSG, You're very welcome.

[Bren]

Like your poem Eyeore

Bren

[Rob The Badger]

Thanks again Bren!

[Rob The Badger]

These Days

These days I really don't care
If the sky falls in
Or if windows shatter
'Cos as long as there's you
These things don't matter

[heat]

You.

You sit there, day after day after day,
Waiting.
Endlessly wishing i'd remember you.
But i do.
And i can't tell you.
Because, just because.
The reason would hurt you and haunt you.
Sorry.

[Rob The Badger]

Heat, you're stuff is very reminiscent of my early stuff. . .te really non-rhymey stuff. Weird. . .Maybe it's just me who sees it. But all the same I really like the latest one. Such a simple statement. And very effective.