ON THE PHONE
Answer the telephone in a mean grunt.
Call work on your day off and say you aren't going in.
Call the local bakery and ask if they have urinal cakes.
When the phone rings, pick it up and ask for somebody.
When ordering a pizza, emphasize that this order is "to go".
When you call someone and get a wrong number, ask what the right one is.
Call the phone number on a "Lost Dog" sign and tell them you haven't found it yet.
For an answering machine message, just say that "you called to leave a message. Bye."
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