Two for you:
An elderly couple were walking along reminscing about their first date almost 60 years before. They spotted a fence and the woman nudged her hubby and said: "Look, do you remember what we did against that fence 60 years ago?"
"Of course I do" he replied "How could I ever forget our first time. How do fancy giving it another try now?"
Well, they went up against the fence and starting to get down to it when all of a sudden the chap starting going at it like a duracell bunny adn the woman is screaming with orgasm after orgasm. Finally they collapse on the floor in a heap.
"You didn't go like that 60 years ago" said the woman
"The bloody fence wasn't electricfied 60 years ago" replied the chap
A sunday school teacher was talking to her class and asked
"Does anyone know where jesus is?"
A little girl put her hand up and said
"Please Miss, he's in Heaven"
"Correct" said the teacher "Anyone else?"
"Please miss, He's in our hearts" said a little boy
"Correct she replied "anyone else?"
"Please Miss, He's in my wardrobe"
"O, Johnny, i'm not sure about that. Why do you think he's in the wardrobe?" asked the teacher
"Well Miss, every day when my dad comes home for lunch, I can hear my mum shout "Jesus Christ my husband's home, quick, get in the wardrobe!!!!!!!"