HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER;
she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She is not DUMB;
she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND;
she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY;
she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS;
she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE.
She is not a SLUT; she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.
She is not a TWO BIT WHORE; she is a LOW COST PROVIDER.
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT
He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a
LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.
He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN.
He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME;
he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.
He is not BALDING; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.
He is not a CRADLE ROBBER; he prefers
GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.
He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes
ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.
He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.
He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY.
He is not afraid of COMMITMENT;
he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED.
He is not STUPID;
he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.
He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT.
He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS;
he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION.
He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED.
He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA.
He doesn't have a DIRTY MIND; he has
INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS.
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