Bat Out Of Christmas
 

ok ok ok ok, so I've either got too much time on my hands or too much wine inside my body, or, perhaps both :lol:

Anyway, a little Christmas offering for you all...... with sincere apologies to Meat and Jim :D



The sleighbells are ringing and the choirs are wassailing
Way down in the valley tonight
There's a man in the shadows with a gleaming red coat
And a beard shining oh so white
There's snow flakes in the air and there's tinsel in the tree
And there's frost lying on the icy streets
Oh and from the kicthen window where the turkey is roasting
Oh I swear I saw a reindeer
Up on the rooftop
His nose glowing red in the sleet

Oh Baby, that's only present in this whole world that's pure
and good and right
And wherever you are and whatever you're given
This one's always gonna be so right
But I gotta get out
I gotta wrap it up now
Before the final crack of dawn
So we gotta make the most of our last sheet of paper
When it's over you know
We'll both be so alone

That Santa Claus out of hell
He''ll be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like Santa Claus out of hell he'll be gone gone gone
Like a Santa Claus out of hell he'll be gone when the morning comes
But when the day is done
And the gifts are delivered
And moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven
I'll have something to give to you

I'm gonna hit the presents like a battering ram
Throwing wrapping paper everyway
When the oven is hot and the family are hungry
And we're all about to start the soup
No toys ever work by Boxing Day
All the batteries are flat
And nothing really works
And nothings really needed And all the batteries are flat
And I know that I'm damned if I never buy a gift
And maybe I'm damned if I do
But with every other beat I got left in my heart
You know I'd rather buy a gift for you
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
Pulling crackers through the night with you
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
Gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
If I gotta be damned you know I wanna be damned
Pulling crackers through the night
Crackers through the night
Pulling crackers through the night with you

Oh Baby, that's only present in this whole world that's pure
and good and right
And wherever you are and whatever you give me
This one's always gonna be so right
But I gotta get out
I gotta unwrap it now
Before the final crack of dawn
We really made the most of our last sheet of paper
When it's over you know
We'll both be so alone

Like Santa Claus out of hell
He'll be gone when the morning comes
When the night is over
Like Santa Claus out of hell he'll be gone gone gone
Like Santa Claus out of hell he'll be gone when the morning comes
But Brandy is drunk
And the grans asleep
And moonlight's shining through
Then like a sinner before the gates of heaven
I'll come crawling on back to you
I'll come crawling on back to you

I can see myself tearing up the paper
Faster than any other boy has ever gone
And my skin is raw from the sellotape
No one's gonna stop me now
I gotta open ev'ry gift
But I can't stop thinking of you
And I never see the sudden gift until it's way too late
I never see the sudden gift till it's way too late

Then I'm dying at the bottom of a tree in a mess of gifts
Torn and twisted with at the foot of a gleaming tree
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell
And the last thing I hear is "dinner"
Time for turkey
Breaking out of kitchen
And ready to eat
Like a turkey out of hell
Then I'm dying at the bottom of a tree in a mess of gifts
Torn and twisted at the foot of a gleaming tree
And I think somebody somewhere must be tolling a bell
And the last thing I hear is "dinner"
Time for turkey
Time for turkey
Breaking out of kicthen and ready to eat
From Santa Claus out of hell
From Santa Claus out of hell
From Santa Claus out of hell
From Santa Claus out of hell
From Santa Claus out of hell
From Santa Claus out of hell


Merry Christmas all!!

AndyK :D
... wondering if this would be a good point to get his coat?

thank you, my daughter who is back here on holiday ,and i really enjoyed your song we sat and sang it :D :D :D

Andy that was brilliant, you should Pm that to Meat, he would love it. Perhaps he could record that for next xmas and see if it gets to No 1, after all the crap that is in the top 5 this week its got a good chance.

Well done mate you made me laugh

Christa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

So that's what too much Christmas wine does for you, Andy! :wink:
(I loved it) I always put the final ornaments on my tree on Christmas Eve, so tomorrow I'll think of your poem while I do that :)
Merry Christmas!
-Kathy

Sounds like it to me Kathy .. :lmao: :lmao:
Excellent job Andy ... thanks :))

Vicki

I love it Andy :lol:

:lmao: 8) niiiiiiiice!

:twisted: Good stuff Andy :lmao:
Standing ovation.

He, he, he.lol. Like a turkey out of hell. :mrgreen:

:twisted: An ode to last minute xmas shopping, and the mistakes made during......

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII want my money back.
(sing it like you mean it)
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII want my money back.
(They're gonna crock your world)

It's all or nothing.
and nothings all i ever get.
every time I see a gift, a grannie appears and grabs it first.
you look for something.
you look for something that is good.
it's the only guarentee.
that the best stuff has sold out.

it's a never ending attack.
you'll get it wrong and that's a fact.
this gifts a lemon and I want my money back.

And all the morons.
and all the loonies with their prams.
there's a guy behind me with a trolly
and he's just pushed it in my back
there's desperation.
kids knocking ice cream everywhere
it leaves a stain on all your clothes
and no detergent gets it out.

and we're searching through clothes racks
buy my dad slippers or get him slacks?
this gifts a lemon and I want my money back

What about an orniment?
it's defective.
they always end up broke in half

what about a raters braclet?
it's defective.
It was never made to really last

what about a toy car?
it's defective
all the batteries are shot

what about a train set?
it's defective
it was the first thing out of stock

what about flowers?
there defective
thery're all wilted and decayed

what about a jacket?
it's defective.
what's left is tattered and very fraid

what about a toaster?
it's defective.
they forgot the waurentee

what about a sock pack
it's defective
that's what he buys me

what about a shirt?
it's defective.
then i'd have to hunt for ties

an electric blanket?
IF it's defective
you sleep and then you fry

that last box of chocolates?
it's defective.
someone else way way to fast.

the Darkness's new album
it's defective
my bro's a fan of Super TRRRRRRAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPP

IIIIIIIIIIII want my money back.
IIIIIIIIIIII want my money back.

it's all or nothing
and nothings what i'm taking home
the shops are closing
we've been thrown out

now i'm having a heart attack
i've bought a pile of useless crap
this gifts a lemon and I want my money back.

and now we're slipping on paving slabs
you know you'll never gat a cab
these gifts are lemons and I want my money BACK.

Good luck to anyone with last minute shopping to do.
Just one word of advice.
DON'T GET IN MY WAY :twisted:

LOL.... what have I started???


Nice one!


Just glad I did ALL my shopping online this year after reading that :D

Omg, those are so good! Ive saved them, I bet you could make some money from writing stuff like that, or is it only when youre drunk? :D :D

Chrissy x

Great parodies Andy and Neil, gotta love the fun stuff! :D

And to everyone:

Happy Holidays!

Jules 8)

These are great, great start to christmas. Meat would be proud. :D

:lmao: the same here! well done, great lyrics!

Great job FM. Standing ovation for you too :lmao:

This really doesn't bode well for Mrs. Mouse's present......

A word to the wise Mousie - Red Lingerie that's 4 sizes too big and anything 'practical' for the kitchen really AREN'T good ideas......

We all need help. . .

Great song words. I don't know how you do it.

Merry Christmas

LMAO those are great.

Great Job People

I Couldn't Have Said it Better Myself Badger :lmao:

Vicki

But we wouldn't have it any other way :lmao:

Right you are :)) :))
Vicki

Neil that's great! The morons, the loonies, the desperation.....
Sounds like the malls are exactly the same everywhere :lol:
-Kathy