Football Jokes
 

Q. Why did the chicken cross the road?
A. According to FIFA, it didn't.

And the biggest joke of all ....

The English football team.

The North of England is currently under a severe flood warning.
This is due to the entire population of Scotland pissing themselves laughing...

All future England matches have been moved to the Gay Adult Channel. Apparently the sight of 11 arseholes getting hammered for 90 minutes was far too explicit for BBC.

My brother sent me this yesterday
Urgent can anbody lend me a dress, high heels and a handbag? It will be less embarassing than walking home in this ~~~~ing England top !

The Met Office have issued a severe weather warning today. There is a shower of shite on its way over from South Africa.

New hotline for depressed English football fans: 0800 41 41 41 (ouch!)

The England plane home has been diverted to Glasgow, so the team can arrive to a heroes welcome.

I find it amusing how the Scots and to a lesser extent, the Welsh find the England team's misfortune so amusing considering their own teams weren't even good enough to make it into the tournament in the first place. Sure, the English team played rubbish in thae tournament, but its better than not playing at all.

The England team went out to visit an orphanage in Cape Town on the Saturday morning after the Algeria match.
"It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope,
constantly struggling and facing the impossible," said Jamal Umboto, aged 6

:D

http://i242.photobucket.com/albums/f...shfootball.jpg

what do you call it when mr. potato head plays football (Soccer)?

A: Potato Head But.

The England players were arrested when they arrived at Heathrow and charged with impersonating a football team.

A bloke walks into a brothel and says,
"I`m a bit kinky.How much is total humiliation?"
The madam replies "£37.99p".
The bloke says "Wow, what do I get for that?"
The madam says "An England shirt."



Rob Green trained for three hours,
had 4000 shots at him and didn`t let in a single goal.
Next time, he and Hesky will train with the rest of the squad.


After the Algerian game,a bloke in the pub turned to his dog and said,
"What did you think of that?" The dog replies "I though we were rubbish."
The bloke saw me staring at him and said "He always says that when England play badly."
I said: "Blimey,What does he say when we play well?"
Bloke replied: "Dunno, I`ve only had him 44 years."


The FA have launched an inquiry to find out how a fan found his way into the dressing room.
Another is underway to see how Shaun Wright-Phillips got there too.


Still can`t believe we only managed a draw against such a terrible team,
we should easily have beaten, I`m ashamed to be Algerian.


The England squad flew back into Glasgow Airport yesterday,
so they could get a heroe`s welcome.


All of the England Mars bars are now on special offer at Tesco at two 4-1

On Sept. 3 1939,Germany declared war.
On June 27 2010, Scotland forgave them.

Oxo are introducing a new white Oxo cube with a red cross on to commemorate our involvement in the 2010 World Cup.

It will be called "The Laughing Stock"

Easily crumbles does it?

:twisted: :lmao:
I just might "borrow" that for my facebook status :wink: :lol:


They did? :bleh:

Actually, France and England declared war on Germany on that date after the deadline to withdraw from Poland had passed.

Factually accurate jokes please.
Just because it's funny, doesn't mean we can't learn at the same time :mrgreen: :p :lol:

is that factually accurate mr mouse?

:twisted: It is :yep: .


Knock knock.


Who's there?



Wayne Rooney.


You back already huh? :mrgreen:

:nope:

:twisted: Well, i'd love to debate the subject (i'm a military history nerd :mrgreen: ) but I think that's a little too heavy for a jokes thread :wink:

Look it up if you wish.
Googling the date should do you nicely :up:

But back to the lighter side of things :mrgreen: ............................


There was debate over the ammount of money the England team spent on their hotel.
The manager said that they could splash out as they weren't expecting to stay very long.