FHM magazine: December 1999
 

Cyber Gridiron
"FHM" magazine, December, 1999:

<I><FONT COLOR=#0000FF>Veteran rock heavyweight Meat Loaf on his love affair with fantasy (American) football</FONT></I><BR><BR>

<I><FONT COLOR=#0000FF>Q:</FONT> You’re a big lad, do you still get out in the yard and throw a ball?</I><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> Are you kidding? Are you on drugs, Sir?<BR><BR>

<I><FONT COLOR=#0000FF>Q:</FONT> Right ... well what’s the name of your team, then?</I>
<BR>
<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> I have a few, but my favourite teams are The Spin Cycle Agitators and The Woolly Mammoths.<BR><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#0000FF><I>Q:</FONT> Do you cheer if a player you failed to buy breaks a leg on the field?</I><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> Oh yeah. This year, though, I bought Barry Sanders (considered greatest running back in NFL history) from The Detroit Lions and he’s just decided to sit on the bench for the entire season.<BR><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#0000FF><I>Q:</FONT> It must be hard to get the statistics when you’re on tour.</I><BR>
<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> Are you kidding? I’ve been doing this for ten years now, and in Germany or Switzerland I used to have to pull the protective plates off telephone cables, cut the wires and hook up my modem. I’ve re-wired entire hotels.<BR><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#0000FF><I>Q:</FONT> Any other games you’d like to try - Fantasy Cricket, perhaps?</I><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> Sure, I understand cricket. The object is to wear white, stand out there and just look good. Then you break for tea, go back out, and rub this ball on your pants to get a dirty spot if you’re a bowler.<BR><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#0000FF><I>Q:</FONT> If there were a Fantasy Rock & Roll League, who would be on your team?</I><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> I should be picked No. 1. Then Eric Clapton on guitar, Jeff Beck on another guitar, the bald drummer from the Smashing Pumpkins, John Entwistle on bass, Stevie Wonder on keyboards - you’ve gotta have keyboards - and Bono on backing vocals ....<BR><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#0000FF><I>Q:</FONT> Alright, looks like the stage is full ....</I><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> No it isn’t, I want Madonna on backing too, and they’re all singing to me ‘cause I’m the singer.<BR><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#0000FF><I>Q:</FONT> In your new film The Fight Club, you star alongside Brad Pitt. Is he now a convert to the fantasy football game?</I><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> Nah, we played poker all the time, Fantasy American Poker.<BR><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#0000FF><I>Q:</FONT> Nice. Finally, can you envisage Fantasy Bowling for pissy-pant pensioners?</I><BR>

<FONT COLOR=#FF0000>Meat:</FONT> Yeah, you can envisage anything you like. You can even envisage a monkey boat banana race if you want to.