I hope the person who this is for understands what I mean.
It's 5 in the morning. It's light outside. I need sleep.
I don't want to hear the kind of things that you say to me. It's not fair. You know it's not. It's not my fault. How could it have been my fault? I was 16 for goodness sake, and what happened was bad but it affected all of us. It hurt all of us. I know it sounds heartless but it wasn't just you that lost someone.
What you're doing now...I know you're hurting but it's wrong. You're taking it out on people who did nothing wrong and you're going to lose them. You've lost one member of your family, don't lose any more just through pig-headedness. Ringing up Kieran and saying those kinds of things to him is manipulative and mean. He's a child, and he's already had his world rocked by tragedy, don't give him any more. Stop saying those things to Charly or you'll lose her too. You know she isn't any of the things you say she is. You're upsetting her for nothing, you're achieveing nothing. If you're gonna hate someone then find someone who doesn't care about you, don't sabotage your relationship with Charly just because you need someone to yell at. The things you say about her are lies. There's nothing wrong with the way she lives her life, and at one point, you knew that.
We love you very much and we care about you, even though you might not think that we do. You might think we're all cruel and heartless and responsible for taking away someone you care about but you know it isn't true. Cancer isn't personal like that. We didn't do it, don't take it out on us. We're always here for you but you've been driving us away for two years and no one can take it any more, not even your kids.
I'm sorry that you feel I hurt you. I'm sorry that you feel I wasn't there for him, or that I was there too much, or that I did the wrong thing, or that I didn't do enough. But there's no need for what you're doing. I know you'll see this. I know you come on here to read my posts, or you wouldnt have mentioned it when you rang. You think no one cares about you but when you go missing for a month and then suddenly you call why do you think that two dozen of your friends and family start ringing each other in the middle of the night? You have no idea how much we worry about you, how much your friends and family have sacrificed for you. After everything you said to Charly and she still gets up and drives around and comforts Kieran and tries to find you every single time. And all you do is trick her and scare her, never mind Aly and Kieran. Last time Kiara drove half way across the country in the small hours of the morning to come and find you. Because we care about you. Stop throwing it back in our faces.
Wherever you are, please call someone and let them know you're ok and where you are, instead of just ringing up to tell them how much you hate them. This has hardly been the whole cuddly version, please come home, we love you, we miss you so much version. But I know you well enough to know that that won't work because we've tried it. And you know me well enough to know that I will try anything for the people I care about.
Because despite everything. We do love you. We do miss you. Please stop these stupid games and come home.
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