View Full Version : Anything For Laughs.

The Flying Mouse
26 Dec 2005, 15:22
:twisted: A Meat themed joke popped into my head before, just had to put it down here (apologies in advance, it really is that bad :oops: )

:twisted: On Christmas night a young lady is sitting at home when she hears a knock on the door.
When she opens the door, a small green creature runs past her and into her living room.She runs after it to see what it is, and discovers it sniffing the furniture, and trying to communicate with the picture on the front of the TV times :nuts: .
After a few minutes of ransacking the room, the creature jumps on the couch and opens the ladys handbag.It takes out her keys, sniffs them, and throws them away.It removes her lipstick, sniffs it, and places it in it's left ear.
Then it finds her smokes.
It takes a cig from the box and tries to eat it.This doesn't work too well as it soon starts to cough and splutter until all the tobacco is out of it's mouth.With a not too happy expression, the creature starts to berate the young lady in some strange language :bicker: .
No, no, says the worried lass, cig - a - rette, see?
She takes the fags off the little brute, and with a lighter, shows him how to light up.
She ehhales and smiles at him, which causes him to become quite agitated, and he grabs the smoking cigarette from her hand and cautiously takes a drag.He blows the smoke out, and then let's out an undoubtedly happy and satisfied sigh :cool: .
The woman is very relieved to see the little git has chilled out considerably.
What are you? she asks.Are you a goblin?An alien?
The thing just looks back at her and in a very conversational manner, babbles on in it's own language.
This happy state of events only continues until the cig is finished, when once more, the horrible little cretin becomes very agitated.Thinking quickly, the young lady throws it her cigs and lighter.It catches them and lights up another smoke, at which he immediatly calms down again.
Looking round the room, his eyes stop on the xmas tree in the corner.It looks out the window at the trees outside, looks back to the xmas tree, and again looks at the trees outside, before looking at the woman with an expression which clearly asks WTF :wtf:
It's a human custom she says.
Not looking convinced, the little bloke lights up a fresh smoke.

A week goes by, and the creature is still living with the woman.
Only problems being they still can't communicate, and the short green dude has a got a 300 a day habit which is costing the poor girl a fortune.

She decides to teach him another human custom.Giving up smoking for new year.

On new years day, while the little git is still drunkenly asleep under the xmas tree, clutching onto a traffic cone for dear life, she hides all his smokes.

When he finally wakes, he looks rather confused about two things.First looking at the traffic cone with an expression of where the hell did I get this :wtf: , and a more urgent expression when he looks for his precious cigs.

The woman explains that many humans choose new year as a good time to try and give up smoking, and that he is going to try.
The creature looks at her looking very sad :( , and proceeds to sulk for the rest of the day.
3:00 the next morning she is awoken from noises in her back yard.She goes out to investigate and notices a light on in the shed.Opening the door she discovers our little friend sitting on a bench with five cigs in his mouth, and one up each nostril.
That's it, she roars, we're getting you some proffesional help.
Next day she takes it to see a medical hypnotist.
Good day, says the doctor , what seems to be the AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? he shouts.
The woman replies..........

I don't know what it is, but it just won't quit :lmao:

Anyone else got any bad jokes with a Meat lyric as the punchline?

26 Dec 2005, 21:59
You have too much free time! :B

The Flying Mouse
26 Dec 2005, 23:03
:twisted: WAY too much :lol:

27 Dec 2005, 20:23
Well, c'mon.
Where's the next one? :D

The Flying Mouse
28 Dec 2005, 00:37
:twisted: That's what I want to know :lol:

28 Dec 2005, 05:39
Alrighty, I'll have a go.

2 Blokes are going out in the desert hunting. They leave the city, drive through suburbia, and get out in the open countryside. As they are approaching the desert, one guy says to the driver "what are all these craters around? They weren't here the last time".

Second guy says "don't worry about it, we're fine", and keeps driving. A few mintues later, they see a sreak headed towards the earth, lands int he road in front of them and makes a huge crater, which the driver just manouevres around.

The first guy is getting worried by now, and says "what on earth was that?"

Driver says "don't worry mate, it's just another fallen angel".

Can I have a bonus point for getting 2 in the one joke? :D

The Flying Mouse
28 Dec 2005, 05:59
:twisted: :lol:

28 Dec 2005, 09:08
Your turn! :D